Wednesday, September 30, 2009

i will remain optimistic about tomorrow

i don't care

i will

really

trust me

okay maybe not.

11:21 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

lol i thought the previous post has nice visual effects i don't know why.

i told noella and cheryl it should be a design for baby rompers.

like, imissyoumummy or imissyoupapaw.

or maybe iloveyoumummy or iloveyoupapaw.

lol.

so cute right (x

kae that aint the point.

econs tml.

i've been mugging for it since 2pm.

and i'm still in the process of doing so.

taking a shortshort break lol.

buhbye~

9:03 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou

3:15 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

you know it's like

sometimes i really feel like pointing out certain things that certain people say or certain style that certain people use/blog/talk yet i can't find a discreet way to do it

being subtle is of utmost importance.

despite my not being so in the.. last few posts?

i don't really feel like caring though.

some people seriously deserve to be..

what do you call what i'm doing?

hmm..

okay.

some people seriously deserve to be what-do-you-call-what-i'm-doing-ed. (:

because certain things are really really disgusting.

ttm.

like, i can be reading with a empty stomach and the next thing i know i feel like puking whatever i have in me.

and for the record i've puked bile before :D

so. (:

if i really really really have to defend this person..

well, fine, i know my stomach's weak then ):

i know many people know my stomach's weak too.

but hey, who vomits with an empty stomach?

it has to be because of something that causes them nausea right.

tsk.

1:00 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

let's add another point shall we.

people shouldn't add strangers.

especially when they have no intention of talking to the stranger.

because when you add somebody, out of courtesy, when this person makes small talk, you should reply.

even if it's at least telling that person you're busy.

basic courtesy. didn't anyone teach you that?

goodness gracious some people just have no manners at all.

10:58 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Friday, September 25, 2009

right after that long rubbish

i shall get down to business

gotta deal with a few things that are bugging me

1) i realise i really don't like to 裝熟

in what sense?

i realise i'm not really close to a few people here and there, yet we talk like we're not badd pretty close.

like, we're friends and not acquaintances.

when we actually are mere acquaintances.

hi-bye-i-know-you-exist kinda people.

sorry.

2) it's good to have self-confidence.

it's fine for people to even be overwhelming with self-confidence.

brimming and overflowing with confidence, ultimate confidence, about themselves.

but no, it is definitely not okay to be delusional about themselves and their lives.

the way people see them.

blablabla.

being delusional and being confident are 2 different things.

do realise that yeah?

3) in addition to that being self-piteous as though you're an extremely pitiful person is disgusting.

doing that does not get you the sympathy that you're asking for.

people deem you as incapable and pathetic instead.

4) sure, we live in a democratic society where freedom of speech appears to be one of our most basic human rights.

However. i disagree with such a view. freedom of speech is a privilege granted to civilised people who will not misuse and abuse it. when such things happen, this privilege should be taken away from them.

why are you so afraid people may comment if you've got nothing to fear anyway?

you don't believe that negative comments help in self-improvement do you?

or.. it's simply that you KNOW you've said something wrong. or that you're always saying the wrong things.

and being aware of that, AND meaning whatever stupid little immature things you say, then worrying that people may correct you and have you feel embarrassed, you set more stupid little things you think will protect yourself, aint that so?

OHMYGOD FOR GOODNESS SAKE GROW UP ALREADY.

i know i don't have to read things that i don't like.

but well, i have a curiosity in me that tends to result in my doing certain things that will cause me anger and regret.

sickening.

you can always set things private.

it's not that i want anything to do with you.

frankly i really wanna pretend i never knew of your existence.

but well.

i can't do that.

i'm sentimental by nature.

extremely sentimental. (:

5) i forgot what else it is i wanted to talk about. ==

man i've really got a short term memory have i not.

lol.

11:54 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

recently i can't decide whether to believe that 機會是靠自己爭取的 or in fate.

sometimes i really wonder if people just come up with things just to provide themselves with excuses not to have to blame themselves for anything that doesn't turn out right.

urgh.

i've really been trying my best to get over everything.

despite the you-probably-don't-even-know-of-my-existence factor.

i know.

darn dumb.

even i shake my head at myself sometimes when i look at everything from an outsider's point of view.

at times i really wonder if i'm sot.

bla.

i know i've been telling myself i can do it

i know i thought i've been doing fine for a while

until this morning

ain't good alright.

yeah i remembered to slap myself mentally haha

i think when that day comes i'll be able to deal with it fine though

on the outside.

inside, no. it's gonna take a while. i'll be realistic with myself.

i'm not a person with a wild and wonderful imagination.

i don't really fantasise much.

it's against my principles. or whatever you classify it under.

when your hopes get too high, i believe, you'll just come crashing down.

hard.

the higher your hopes get, the harder you'll land, the more you'll hurt.

that has always been my belief.

and no, it hasn't changed.

it's disturbing though, when everything you read about gives you hope.

when certain things you believe in (such as horoscopes) are kinda hinting to you that things will be alright.

that no matter how bad things appear to be, they'll turn out alright in the end.

that things will be, well, good.

better than good.

yeah you get my point.

and then a book you've read many times suddenly..

i don't know.

you've never used to compare anything that's going on in your life to things going on in the protagonist's life.

then suddenly you realise that hey there's a certain resemblance between both.

except that you don't know what's gonna happen yet, but things are progressing very smoothly for the protagonist.

so then obviously you start getting your hopes up right.

but yeah, when i stop reading i'm plunged back to reality.

that the higher your hopes get, the harder you'll more likely crash, and hence the more you hurt.

except now inside you lives the belief that there's a possibility that things will turn out fine for you as well.

sucks huh.

still.

life has to go on.

if the whole thing passes, fine, i'll pick myself up and move on.

if things turn out fine for me, then yeah, good for me.

i've got minimal control over how things will turn out haven't i.

except i still feel sometimes maybe i missed out a chance somewhere somehow

because the very-accurate fortune-teller or i don't know who he is asked me if i were attached

and i wasn't

so obviously i should have been

because the last time they said-

okay nvm that's something i never wanna recall again

but yeah it was accurate

OKAY YEAH WHAT'S MY POINT RIGHT.

i don't know either.

haha.

11:33 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

blogger revived again haha.

i've set my mind on something.

at least for these two hours i'm pretty determined. lol.

i'll rid myself of that lousy feeling i don't care.

whatever it takes.

leaving it lying around doesn't do me good.

just wastes my mental and emotional capacity.

or whatever.

so yeah.

i don't know if i can accomplish it soonsoonlikeSOON, but, i'll give it my best.

i'm sure i can do it.

.. i think.

11:16 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

i asked myself seriously whether i wanted you to be happy more or if i wanted my own wishes to be granted and risk getting hated

realised i just want to see you happy

even though i may not know if you are

or if you will be

like, yeah whatever i know maybe my wishes being granted has nothing at all to do with whether you're happy or not but..

HAIYA I DONT KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT LUH.

so it might mean the end of everything

everything, when nothing's even started

when it's all just a big fat zero

nothingness

NOTHINGNESS.

shoot that feeling is really really lousy

ohmygod luh everything's like, totally unrelated

no relevance whatsoever to each other

no link.

haiyerh.

WHAT EXACTLY SHOULD I DO T.T

so they say time will solve everything

yeah right

like, how long has it been man

liar.

liarliarLIAR.

LIAR.

so how?

urgh.

P.S.: blogger went a bit siao again

P.P.S.: am i talking to myself o.o

11:31 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

BLOGGER REVIVED :D

constance apparently thinks i'm like, antoinette WITH A LOCKER, because as according to her+cheryl+noella i talk to mysef at the locker. i don't kae. it just happened so that noella was calling me and i answered and then she decided not to reply me and hence i appeared like i was talking to myself.

I WASN'T.

tsk.

but there's one lesson i need to learn from the novel though.

it just struck me while i was IMing a friend.

was asking something.

but due to insecurities that i shall not reveal i daren't take the advice.

then he was like, if you dont wanna take my advice then dont ask luh right.

ISN'T THAT LIKE WHAT CHRISTOPHINE TOLD ANTOINETTE? :OO

except, in our language.

as in, the way we speak.

lol.

ohmygod i've been reading too much wss haha.

but yeah anyway.

i'm not a girl who's going mad yeah.

like, no mental breakdown yet don't worry/

i'm perfectly fine.

sane.

11:05 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

6:45 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Monday, September 14, 2009

i'll wait another year.
hopefully by then i'll have the guts to do whatever i wanna do.
meanwhile i'll just 繼續加油 doing whatever i'm doing. (:

11:23 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

sometimes i really dont understand what exactly's wrong.
i wanna talk to somebody, i daren't talk to that person.
i wanna clarify something with somebody, i daren't talk to that person.
i wanna tell somebody something, i daren't say a thing.
i wanna do something, i have zero guts to do it.
i seriously think i should learn to let go of things, of bad experiences, so that i won't become such a coward.
so that i'm not this timid.
hai~

10:19 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

so maybe learning something by oneself doesnt really get you anywhere too far

but i realise when you accomplish even that little bit of whatever-you-like-to-call-it

that sense of satisfaction seriously can't be replaced by anything else

really (:

i'm feeling a little proud of myself now teehee

perhaps i'm really nowhere near good

perhaps i'm really still considered bad

but hey, there's that little achievement i've made

considering i learnt everything by myself and i don't even know if there's anything wrong in anything i learnt

it shouldn't be anything too bad right? :D

yeah recently i've been engaging myself in quite a few things

not really getting very far.. doing everything by myself.

not really a very clever move.. promos are nearing.

but still.

that sense of satisfaction i feel..

ahhaha

:D:D

6:33 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

see.
i knew blogger wouldn't last.
if this goes on i might just have to switch to something else ==

something crazy happened after my crazy posts last night
i realise the more i hate a person the less threat i'll be of to that person
why?
because i'm too busy seething to think through my replies properly
when such things happen, i tend to reply and go back to sleep
(:

2 days more before school reopens.
2 days more to econs lecture.
2 days more to econs tutorial.
and i haven't finished econs homework.
(Y)

1:14 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

翅膀還沒硬就想獨自飛行的小鳥
下場究竟會是怎樣？

奉勸各位
不要話聽一般就自以為很了不起自以為什麽都瞭
注意：自以為
自以為這三個字可是害慘了不少人喔
還是收斂點為妙
being humble really doesnt hurt.

okay this post sounds so psychotic.
sot.
==

2:05 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

ahhaha i realise there are quite a lot of things i can do when i can't focus on homework but i wanna keep myself busy

things like stirring up trouble

trouble that may be otherwise prevented

but what can i do

i love the thrill :D

2:03 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

and see.
seeseesee.
SEE.
i knew what she was gonna say.
that is soooo whatevershelearntfromme.
or maybe she already had that in her whoknowsnobodycares.
cuz i think it's a pretty common basic tactic yeah.
都用到爛了沒人想再用了好嗎
she thinks she wins.
okay lor.
isn't it like, bloody immature to compete in things that are of such miniscule significance to whoever you're trying darn hard to compete with?
hm?
tsk.

eh anyway.
a hint.
words can be manipulated. (:
that's something she should definitely have learnt.
要不然啊.. she'd be such a failure.
which i'm sure she knows she aint.
note: SHE knows. (:

1:54 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

oh and i'm like, in love with whywhylove all over again.
all thanks to channel U ahhaha.
i know it's a very predictable plot but hey you can't deny it's sweet kae
lol
daydreaming
yeah i know i should be mugging for promos.
i got mug kae.
i mugged math and econs today.
i only watched shows at night when my mind stopped registering things (:
such an obedient girl XD
自己講咧 tsk
right i shall go sleep..
soon (x

1:50 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

blogger is in a good mood today so i shall make use of its good mood and blog something.
any random thing.
不用白不用 (x

i realise i'm really darn easily affected by how people view me to be.
by their opinion of me.

W-H-Y!?

i told myself before countless times i don't wanna become like that
i don't want to be affected by how people see me
i wanna be myself
but then again, i've been living under a facade these years have i not
i haven't been..
well..
who i really am supposed to be
have i?
seriously life aint good sometimes.
if everyone were to be who they wanna be, who they perceive to be who they really are, wouldn't the world be in chaos?
so what's up with all that stuff about wanting us to be ourselves?
weird huh.
the world contradicts.

it's been a confusing week.
i don't know what i want anymore.

1:45 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

bitch.

i just felt like scolding her. (:
你會的我也會。
because whatever tactics you're using, they're pretty much what you learnt from me.
from all the arguing that happened.
so.
that's all your arguments are - nothing.
you don't use someone's tactics against them.
it's a bit useless.
cuz whatever you've got from me, they're less than half of what i've shown you.

4:55 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

11:02 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

i will NOT watch any vid at 5pm later if i do not complete econs by 1657pm.

4:30 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.