Sunday, November 30, 2008

okay luh i shall 好人做到底 and advertise for cassandra here.
right so.
AHMA LOOKING TO TEACH TUITION!
details:
ahma: cassandra see huimin 老太婆
subjects: physics, math (okay she didn't say which subjects but she said these are the two she's better at)
rate: S$15 per hour
and ehh what other info should i give?
umm..
she's a year older than i am, just finished her alvls.
yup.
so if you're interested you can leave me a tag (:
SEE I'M SUCH A NICE GIRL.
advertising for an ahma.
wahaha~

{EDIT\}

oh and wilson ahgong wants to teach chemistry.
yep.
free of charge.
yup, i didn't get that wrong, neither are your eyes seeing anything wrong, wilson ahgong is teaching chemistry FREE OF CHARGE.
((:

11:02 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

anybody knows how to set a password to mio broadband thing?

10:22 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

i.
hate.
my.
parents.
and.
my.
brothers.
and.
i.
swear.
justice.
is.
non-existent.

9:42 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

STUPID OVEN SCALDED MY FINGERS WHEN I SENT MY MUSHROOMS INTO THE OVEN.
ugh.
and the melted cheese is overflowing.
i bet the juices will flow out next, leaving me with dehydrated mushrooms.
-.-

7:46 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

right.
now.
i'm really kinda losing hope in pjco alright.
i don't mean to be offensive, but it's a kinda disappointment i've never really felt before.
i mean, what do you expect with a conductor who can't keep his tempo especially?
who can't empathise?
who knows only to blame and not to source for the root of the problem?
who knows only to reprimand everyone else and not find out what it is that's really wrong?
i never wanted to quit.
i'm not a quitter.
i mean, if i really were one i would have gone poly ages ago.
i wouldn't still be wondering if i should stay in jc and put up a fight against my low IQ.
i know i'll be disappointing people like pam doris ms song mdm lim julia but..
i really don't think this is gonna work.
so, sorry.
that's all i can say.
i don't want to stay working for something that i know will not work.
first it was wufei.
and then ahtan.
like, huh!?
i wouldn't even be ponning practice if things weren't like that.
the only incentive is seeing pam and the rest during practice, gossip, talk, fool around..
other than that i seriously don't feel the satisfaction i used to get after practice.
going for practice now is like..
i don't know.
a chore?
a requirement.
something i'm doing because i have to, not because i want to.
a cca is also something we should enjoy isn't it?
i know syf's coming up real soon.
but it's like..
i don't know.
it's not that i don't care.
the way things are turning out is the reason that's forcing me not to care anymore.
a conductor who can't keep his tempo leading an orchestra up for a competition - how ridiculous is that?
a joke, that's what it is.
i daresay, no matter how good the exco is, no matter how good the orchestra is, no matter how hard we're all trying, it's not of much use if the conductor can't even keep tempo.
isn't that like, the most basic thing a conductor should be able to do?
i know what the deal is with dishing out punishments to members who are not attending practice.
and doubling the punishment for exco members.
but..
the motivation for going isn't there.
everything's, frankly, in shambles.
i don't really see the point in attending practice anymore.
i don't gain anything practicing there.
if i did if i saw any point in going i wouldn't be returning to rvco to practice with my juniors would i?
even with a 10mins individual "lesson" with zhanglaoshi i learn more than just sitting around in a proper pjco practice.
seriously.
says a lot doesn't it?
i mean, what does a normal pjco session constitute?
either:
a) me setting up suona, getting around to practice, then start practicing, get told off for being loud, shooed away, accused of slacking and not practicing, going back reluctantly to practice with the rest for a while, get accused of being unable to play nicely, play a short part individually, ahtan finally grudgingly agree i'm okay, and then shooed away again.
or:
b) me setting up suona, settling down, ahtan seeing me, shouts at me that i'm not practicing when i was still preparing my reed, dragged to practice with them, practice, get accused that my notes are offkey when it's just his ears, play changyin like god knows what, waste time playing up the scale having my yinzhun nothing wrong, practice with the rest with ahtan trying to act pro, trying to keep to his beat since he's always so friggin unsteady and off tempo, get scolded for nothing with weili (we think he has something against us), him always trying to get an excuse to make us look bad like we suck when there's actually nothing wrong, carry on practicing, me finally feeling super irritated and going outside to rant to some poor soul, going back and practicing alone, get complained that suona is damn loud, stop practicing to go for a drink, GET ACCUSED THAT IM NOT PRACTICING, and then finally going outside to rant somemore.

SEE.
useless.
i swear every single practice is useless damn it.
i do not understand how exactly someone can accuse me of being offkey when the tuner says my note is perfect.
the only time i was ever offkey were when my reeds died or when there was something wrong with my reeds/suona.
that i dare swear.
i do not deny i was really offkey on my zhongsuo last friday BECAUSE (something i didn't realise until yesterday whe zhanglaoshi told me) I WAS PLAYING WITH CIZHONG'S REED.
and the funny thing is i wasn't too far off.
only like what, a little flat.
a teeny weeny tiny little bit.
okay luh i know i shouldn't put up with it, however little i was off but still.
i am pissed.
okay wait this is getting personal.
-.-
right so my point is.
i cannot take all these nonsense anymore.
gah.
i mean, who goes back to their secondary school to prepare for their jc's syf cmon.
-.-
whatthehell i was freaking embarrassed going back to practice lor can.
in front of my juniors, in front of mr wong and mr lee.
win already luh.
gah.
point is.
i'm not gonna work for something i see no point in working for, whether or not my past efforts will be going down the drain.
all i know is if zhanglaoshi or yuge comes telling me i can really go play with nusco for fun i'll choose that over pjco.
so basically it's not co i'm giving up on.
it's pjco i'm giving up on.
sorry.
oh and dammit ahtan always changes his words, whatever he says.
and he always forgets whatever he said before.
minutes after he says whatever it is he said.
(Y)

11:19 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

let's begin from yesterday.
hm.
so.
yesterday sawme hazique and albin helping out with the logistics for tinklefriend camp.
made approx 1500 little straw crosses, a few hundred blindfolds made out of trash bags, a tictactoe grid, and about 170 "tails" made out of cloth.
right.
and we crapped throughout the entire thing.
and decided to visit mingyao during his cip at the observatory @ singapore science centre tonight.
oh and kelly took albin as her "child", chunshan took me, and huitien took hazique lol.
they commented albin is a good eater.
he burst his budget for lunch.
we were given a reimbursement of S$3.
his lunch cost S$4.80.
(Y)
hazique and i were "good kids" and didn't spend a cent.
HAHA.
but well.
we decided it was a day well spent.
better than staying home doing nothing.
:\
right so today.
i woke up at 0800, fell asleep again, and woke up at 1030 (YES I GOT OVER MY INSOMNIA LAST NIGHT :D:D hopefully i can sleep tonight too.). a tad too late to be in time to meet yuge at vivo. so i reached about half an hour later. ohOH. i think adults look down on us youngsters or something. a group of stupid uncles come koping two chairs from our table while we were eating and then after that a group of stupid office girls pushed the dirty trays onto our tables.
(Y)
OI HARLOW WE WERE STILL SITTING AT OUR TABLE LEH.
AT LEAST ASK IF YOU CAN TAKE OUR CHAIRS ASK IF YOU CAN DISPOSE THE DIRTY TRAYS ONTO OUR TABLES RIGHT.
!@#$%^&*()
tmd.
damn long since i last used tmd seriously.
can't even remember the last time i used it.
so then yuge dragged me to try this curling iron thing.
the woman curled my hair.
weird.
so i made her straighten it back.
yuge got only her the bottom half of her hair curled.
she wasn't happy.
went back again to get it curled.
maybe it was miscommunication's fault, the woman straightened the curls out.
HAHAHA!
so then we went back to rv.
pretty nice trip back.
the juniors definitely improved, though not on attendance HAHAHA.
i got my reeds repaired so that's good.
i polished melvin's zhongsuo for him.
then i went off to JE with yuge.
stupid bus driver.
my ezlink card no money i was in school attire HE TOLD ME I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE A STUDENT YOU ARE NOT PAYING THE STUDENT PRICE YOU SHALL PAY ME s$1.50.
whatthehell.
I WAS IN SCHOOL ATTIRE.
HE SAID HE DOESN'T CARE IF I'M A STUDENT.
that's what pissed me off.
not the money thing.
damn it.
unreasonable.
then i met hazique.
albin came afterall.
and then mingyao finally turned up.
oh wait sidetrack.
edmund's having a war with another mosquito.
yuge's nerves lag time.
hazique's gay.
albin's his newfound gay partner.
hazique and albin are together.
albin's the feminine one.
((:
alright siaoness.
-.-
back on track!
so then we decided to walk over to this kopitiam to eat.
and then albin said we should check if it's halal first.
but hazique said it's alright he's not that hungry.
and mingyao said he's not hungry.
so then we decided we don't want to eat at that kopitiam we could always eat at the ssc's macs if we suddenly felt hungry and hence we proceeded to ssc.
upon reaching ssc we went to macs for dinner HAHAHA.
so much for not being too hungry.
so hazique had his grilled foldover, i had my fillet o fish, and kmy and albin had their mega mac don't know what.
kmy rushed through his dinner and then went to assemble.
the remaining 3 of us took our time eating crapping and then finally going to the observatory to do none of us knew what.
oh ya.
as hazique put it, to watch the kmy show.
sidetrack.
i am IRRITATED.
!@#$%^&*()
never mind i was going to stop IMing and really just blog and do nothing else for now anyway.
back on track.
so we went out to stare at the nightsky, then back in, then back to the "field".
where we suddenly found a long queue of people waiting to go out there to look through the telescopes.
right.
so.
we queued, and went in for some stargazing.
so according to this guy the most prominent ones were jupiter and venus, venus being the brightest one.
we all insisted all the stars and things were just dots lol.
saw only one constellation, venus, and jupiter.
jupiter with all 4 moons surrounding it.
quite nice actually.
and there was this super enthusiastic guy.
lol.
he definitely saw a lot of the constellations i guess.
so then we decided to walk over to IMM while waiting for mingyao to end.
and then albin went and bought a bag of sweets at daiso.
and then we went down to BK to sit, waiting for mingyao.
and then walked back to JE mrt station to meet mingyao, and to return home.
yep.
if only sheena were around :\
see how much fun you missed while you were away in london girl!
haha!
oh well.

12:52 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

9:55 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

i'm pretty much way past caring about some random tiny issue.
you can't accept the way i talk about certain things, that's your problem.
if i somehow offend you whilst trying to correct certain things about you, too bad.
the world is that harsh.
things can't go both ways.
i'm not gonna care how my words really affect anyone anymore.
just like many have taught me i can't care too much.
before someone really hurts me.
so.
congratulations to me.
(:
not to mention i'm already cranky enough without sleep the past few nights yep.

oh and on a sidenote.
i'm way over any guy i ever told anyone i [may be] interested in.

{EDIT\}
nope.
not till i get an apology.
that was way off my limits.

8:09 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Monday, November 24, 2008

i think..
i understand.
and i won't deny, damn it, it doesn't feel good.

{EDIT\}

it's time i walked out of it..
i guess.

9:16 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

6:11 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Dream 1:

In general, dreams about losing one's teeth are common and suggest the dreamer feels powerless or out of control in a real life situation.

If your teeth fell out or you spit them out, you are anxious about money.

To dream that you are bleeding represents a feeling of loss of power. You may be suffering from exhaustion or feeling emotionally drained. It may also denote bitter confrontations between you and your friends. Your past actions may have come back to haunt you. Try to avoid any sort of controversy with friends or relatives.

Dream 2:

To see a baby in your dream, signifies innocence, warmth and new beginnings. A love affair may be blooming for you in your near future. You will also make new and fun friends. Babies may symbolize something in your own inner nature which is pure.

If you dream of nursing a baby, you will be deceived by the one you trust the most.

Dreaming about a premature baby often symbolizes a newly developing relationship (or possibly a new creative idea) in your real life. You may have some anxiety about this new situation or relationship.

If you dream of being a mother (and you don't have children in real life), this foretells a surprising turn of events concerning a cause you believed to be lost.

If you're not worried about pregnancy, a dream of being pregnant symbolizes an aspect of your personality or personal life that is growing and developing, but is not yet ready to be talked about or acted on. It represents the birth of a new idea, direction or goal.

If you dream of being on a cruise, you will have an increase in social status or money.


ehh pretty true leh. as in, most of the stuff.. i can relate them to a few things here and there in my real life. hmm.. except the cruise thing luh. i haven't had any increase in social status and I LOST MY WALLET HARLOW T.T

so.
i dreamt of having a baby.
alright.
what did we call her?
Stephanie.
and i don't know who changed it to Stephenie.
boo.
no idea why stephanie alright.
but she was an absolute angel :D:D
without a dad.
..
right.
it's okay.
she has a fantastic mum - ME.
(x
whatever luh it's a dream it's not real. :\
and the day before i dreamt my teeth fell out and i kept spitting them out. stupid bloody mess.
..
bah.
at least the dream today was nice.
i mean, yala it's not the first time i dreamt of babies but it's the first time i really had a baby in my dream. a girl at that. she was beautiful. serious! :D but prematured. :\ it's okay she had her wonderful mummy (ME!) nursing her back to perfect health lala~
right i better go nurse my stomach before i get another bout of gastric pains.
toodles~

2:24 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

darling don't smile at me alright?

2:01 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

i'm really really gonna do something about my legs.
seriously.
liposuction or whatever, i'm gonna lose those stupid fats.
46kg now?
i'm determined to lose weight till i'm 43kg.
i won't allow myself to overshoot 45kg again.
or 44kg.
uh huh.
>:(

12:50 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

5:23 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

1:41 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

omg could everyone tell jon was just a substitute
o.o
was it ever so obvious?
omg.
o.o

12:49 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

free.

12:01 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Friday, November 21, 2008

what is that exactly
hai

11:40 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

shit.

11:19 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

KMY says (10:46 PM):
ZHi Yu
lets have ur wishlist
I wanna see!

zhiyu` says (10:46 PM):
to stop getting hurt

KMY says (10:46 PM):
I know I know

zhiyu` says (10:46 PM):
world peace

KMY says (10:46 PM):
the first one was that
the sec

zhiyu` says (10:46 PM):
nice results
tadah

BLA.
hai.

10:47 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

i can't stand loneliness.
yep.
you're right.
i'll give you that.

{EDIT\}

hazique's vedic astrology:

Your Moon Sign is Aries

Aries is the positive sign of Mars, and ruled by this fiery planet, which gives you a passionate and excitable nature. You are also very self-confident, self-assured, and have a dynamic personality. In addition, you are usually full of initiative, as well as agile, aggressive, competitive and enterprising. You love living spontaneously and need to have lots of fun. However, you are also very ambitious and hardworking, and a self-starter. You are able to make quick decisions, and are adaptable, vibrant and popular. You are extremely adventurous, love travel and are drawn to passionate activities. This combination also brings lasting wealth and fame.

Aries is a movable sign and, since the Moon is also mutable and sensitive by nature, you are likely to be restless with a tendency to be fickle and confused at times. The Moon also gives you a short attention span and a tendency to push others too hard. You may not like taking advice, are prone to rash and hasty decisions and are probably very stubborn. You dislike people who shirk their responsibilities and have no patience with them. In addition, you cannot stand anyone interfering with your affairs or your life.

Although, this combination indicates you will enjoy an active and long life with good health, you need to remember to slow down and get rest. This combination also indicates that you will enjoy good relationships and will be a faithful and loyal partner. However, it is likely that you might be very indecisive and may function best with a partner who shares all the same decisions. You are likely to be an easy person to live with, and will not be very demanding. In addition, opposite sex will enjoy your company.

Mingyao's vedic astrology:

Your Moon Sign is Sagittarius

The Moon enjoys a very beneficial position in Sagittarius, which is ruled by Jupiter. This combination blesses you with a sharp intellect, a warm heart and a positive attitude. It also graces you with determination, a strong sense of independence, high ideals, as well as a love for travailing and learning new things. You are most likely a direct and distinguished personality who is also brave, energetic and courageous. You are focused on fulfilling your desires and grateful for your blessings. Prosperity, wealth, generosity, a willingness to help others and nobility are also qualities of this combination, along with a strong inclination towards are, culture, education and related matters.

There is a childlike innocence in you, which may appeal to the members of the opposite sex. Some may find you too soft. However, beneath all the soft and innocent qualities dwells a strong, righteous and truthful individual. You may have an innate desire to learn about religion, and may also seek a spiritual teacher. Overall, you are an idealistic with a strong sense of right and wrong. Your life partner has to be just as righteous for marital bliss. You are most likely to seek a relationship that is intellectually satisfying rather than a passionate love affair. Your romantic attractions will begin with the union of ideals rather than sensual passions. You love having beauty around you and your partner has to be just as warm and harmonious.

However, you do need to watch out for tendencies of extravagance, careless investments, flamboyance and over-indulgence. You might be too frank at times for your own good, and miss obvious opportunities for advancement.

my vedic astrology:

Your Moon Sign is Cancer

The Moon is ruled by Cancer and is in its own house when positioned in this sign, which is extremely favorable and showers you with benefits. This combination makes you very sensitive, perceptive, emotionally responsible, kind, affectionate and loving. You will have a tendency to be a mother to all, be forgiving, humane and full of piety. You will have very deep ties to family and will be able to deal with family and emotional problems better than most. In addition you will be very wise and intuitive -- sometimes to the point of being psychic

A Moon in Cancer also gives you great emotional strength, as well as a spotless character. Truth, honesty and passion are also part of this combination. Spirituality, as well as inclination to strong religious beliefs, is found in this combination of stars. You are assured prosperity and will always live in comfort and may enjoy driving luxurious cars throughout your life. In addition, you will also have a tendency to economize and be prudent in your spending.

You will fare well in the arena of love of romance where fidelity and romantic bliss is unquestioned. However, you need to be on the constant lookout for becoming a victim or being too submissive to loved ones. Men of this combination may often be too easily influenced by the women in their lives. You may also become guilty of becoming too possessive, or smothering your loved ones. In addition, you may have a need for constant approval, too susceptible to other's troubles, go though emotional ups and downs and suffer from anxiety attacks.

9:17 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

KMY says (8:36 PM):
I watched um

KMY says (8:37 PM):
Jumper halfway only
and Alvin and the Chipmunks
ate a Krispy Kreme doughnut
OMG

hazique says (8:37 PM):
Albin & the Chipmunks?

KMY says (8:37 PM):
it was heavenly

hazique says (8:37 PM):
haha

zhiyu` says (8:37 PM):
LOL!

KMY says (8:37 PM):
yea!

hazique says (8:37 PM):
we're the chipmunks
albin's the leader

KMY says (8:37 PM):
4 chipmunks?
omg

KMY says (8:38 PM):
he might go nuts
and turn priest sooner
u shouldn't do that to him
what if he becomes like Wei Xian
oo nvm

KMY says (8:39 PM):
Do they know who Wei Xian is anyway

HAHAHAHA i swear we're all NUTCASES
XDD

8:39 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

You are a very sensitive person and you try hard (perhaps a little too hard) to make favourable impressions and to be recognised by your peers. But you have that inherent need to feel appreciated and admired and you are easily hurt if all of your endeavours go by unappreciated or not acknowledged. Stop trying so hard.

In actual fact you are not willing to exert yourself in any way. You have that truly 'laid back' attitude and are unwilling to extend yourself or exert undue effort. You feel that to move forward - be it in your life style or in business relationships - would require more energy output than you are prepared to give at this time. You want to take life easy and your attitude is such that 'Enough is Enough'.

You give the impression that you are a self-sufficient individual, pretending that you are stoical - indifferent to pain or pleasure. But this is not so, for in truth you are an extremely emotional person, one that may make hasty decisions and perhaps repent at leisure. It is time now perhaps to break the bond of detachment and become the real 'you' - the you that you would like to be.

Loneliness is soul destroying and at this time you feel lost and lonely, perhaps it is because you feel so frustrated that you are prepared to go out of your way to become emotionally involved with someone who could accept you for what you are. You are egocentric, antagonistic and quick to take offence, although it must be said, you can control your pent-up up emotion and thus avoid open conflict.

Setback after setback has resulted in considerable stress and now you have got to the stage where you are continuously on your guard, not only to protect yourself from others but to protect yourself from yourself. It would seem that many of your unfulfilled hopes and dreams have led to uncertainty and suspicion. You no longer wish to answer to others and you are insisting on freedom of thought. You feel that you are fully self-sufficient and can control your own destiny. You are seeking ways to protect yourself from further loss of prestige and against further setbacks. You have become very dependent and you doubt that matters could possibly get any better in the immediate future and this negative attitude is leading you to exaggerate your claims and to refuse reasonable compromise.

You are trying to build up your own position and you resist all external influences. You insist that you are your own person and you will not tolerate any outside interference. Decisive and proud, you are true managerial material.

8:18 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

ahtan pissed the hell out of me.
so much so i don't really care if he heard me complaining about him.
damn it i've about had enough of everything.
!@#$%^&*()

ACCO concert tml @ ACJC, 7.30pm, S$8, anyone?
advertising for fu en.
SUONA! CMON! WE CAN HAVE A SUONA OUTING AFTER THE CONCERT. (X

8:17 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

screw whoever it is who pickpocketed me.
screw ahtan.

6:44 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

gah.
i wanna do up my room.
change it.
so that i will hopefully feel better.
any help?
suggestions?
bla.

2:34 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Conditions are rather confusing at this time. You would like to involved with a particular person or a particular situation but you are holding back. You find it difficult to make a decision.

2:05 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

okay i realise i've been letting my emo feelings get to me so much i forgot to update about my life.
right so.
we changed conductors.
(Y)
but it's neither mrlum nor mrwong.
it's ahtan.
!@#$%^&*()
damn it.
okay whatever i think i'll be free from co after syf anyway.
hai.
okay whatever stop the stupid co thing already.
right.
so.
my 3 beloved ones came CWP and we met up to watch The Coffin.
sheena and mingyao kept covering their eyes, sitting between hazique and me.
hazique covered his eyes at some parts like i did too hahaha.
but okay luh, like i noticed, all horror films end on a sad note.
they'll start being mysterious and horrifying, and then end with this sad sad story.
so okay lor.
i guess that's why i wasn't that scared.
i'm just freaked out by the gory scenes LOL.
so yup.
not that bad once i remember it all happened because of something sad i guess.
lalala~
okay luh i promised kmy hazique and sheena i'll do something latest by sunday.
let's all just keep our fingers crossed and hope i'm not gonna be hurt again i guess?
hai.


i love all of you darlings!
:D:D
<3

12:59 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

really.?
i'm..
super duper scared.
hai.
in any case.
thankyou darlings, for being by me, talking to me today.
(:

11:07 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

12:18 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

11:50 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

someone once told me my sixth sense is pretty accurate.
so is it really.?
why is it not telling me anything now.?
it's darn frustrating.
wait no, not really.
the feeling i do get at times..
they're pretty negative.
am i denying those negative feelings, or what.?
hai..

9:57 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

i really really hate those nights that i dream of you.
really.
cuz they do nothing besides reminding me i've only been pushing you all the way to the back of my mind, deluding myself that i've forgotten you.
sucks like hell when i realise it again.

9:08 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

hai.
tell me what to do.
please.?

12:42 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

right so.

crashed qianning's lecture and i'm pretty bored now.

did the goldinuniverse thing again for fun.

shall do a little analysis on the truthness of the result.

You are under considerable stress and you are almost about to 'blow your top' but you are fortunate enough to be able to exert control. Control is the name of the game and it is so good to realise that whatever the situation may be a this time - it will pass. You need to get away from everything for a while and if you do, you will find that, strangely enough, it will seem that most of your problems and situations will seem to wash away, just as the sea may wash away 'footprints' in the sand.
Always anxious to accept the role of the leader (hmm right, maybe..), as indeed you often work well with people - but try to stay out of the limelight. You'd like a life of ease with no one to rock the boat (uh huh yupyup.) and someone who understands you is so important in your life (YES. PRECISELY.).
Conditions are rather confusing at this time. You would like to involved with a particular person or a particular situation butyou are holding back. You find it difficult to make a decision.(*nods vigorously*)
You are feeling full of uncertainty and worrying over what you consider as missed opportunities. This is causing considerable stress and tension. You feel that there must be more to life than the constant pressures and anxieties - that surely life must hold far more opportunities than that which it has to date presented to you. You sincerely believe that there must be a simpler way to tap life's hidden recourses and should you be able to find that way - you could achieve your hearts desire. It's the not knowing 'how' that is affording you the constant worry. You are constantly probing and seeking - trying to ensure that at all times you are on your guard against missing any opportunity. 'Enough is enough'. You are anxious to avoid further setbacks. You are strenuously trying to make sure that you will not be overlooked and you badly need security (security uh huh.).
There is an inherent fear that you may be prevented from achieving the things you want. This activates your subconscious desire for peace of mind and mental security. It is increasingly obvious to you that the environment that you are in is not conducive to your well-being and so you are seeking fresh fields - somewhere free of conflict where you can RELAX and THINK.

right.

okay.

not bad.

qianning said hers was quite true too hahaha.

11:42 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Monday, November 17, 2008

sorry.
really.
i just can't take it anymore.

11:47 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

sorry.
but i can take it no more.

7:16 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

stupid jonathan ho chin kiat.
walau.
eh.
hello.
just because you're a casanova it doesn't mean the rest of us are.
just because you can't stay liking someone long it doesn't mean the rest of us can't.
damn it i have several examples i would list but i can't cuz they don't allow me to.
wake up why don't you.
you are the casanova.
it's normal to stay liking someone longer than a year.
it's just that your philandering self can never ever do that.
it doesn't mean we're dwelling in the past.
it's just that we're more faithful than you are.
whatthehell.
now i really see why some of us loathe your existence so much.
dammit.

4:44 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

EH WHATTHEFUCK LUH.
do NOT ask me what happened.
seriously.
do NOT ask.
i'll just flare up again.
damn it.

{EDIT\}

i've had enough of adults thinking they're damn superior to us just because they're adults seriously.
BEING TEENS DOESN'T MEAN NOTHING WE DO IS OF ANY IMPORTANCE.
HAVE ALL OF YOU FORGOTTEN YOU WERE ONCE OUR AGE TOO!?
walau.
damn angry already.
(Y)
second consecutive day you pissed me off.
i'm telling you just because i'm a teen and you're an adult IT DOESN'T MEAN EVERYTHING YOU DO IS OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE AND NOTHING I DO MATTERS.
MUCH LESS DOES IT MEAN WHEN I WANT SOMETHING I WANT IT FOR SELFISH PURPOSES AND NOT BECAUSE I NEED IT.
!@#$%^&*()

{EDIT\}

hazique it's not funny.
T.T

4:26 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

look at this man LOOK AT THIS.
tsk.
hahaha.

zhiyu` says (12:55 AM):
wahaha
okay i take back my words about albin not being thickskinned
he is
there's this photo of him me and hazique on his facebook
and i commented that i look super duper ugly cuz i wasn't ready when guanning took the picture

zhiyu` says (12:56 AM):
and then he replied and said "haha good that u know...as long as the guys beside are handsome shld be ok"
so shamless!!
tsk!
*shameless
lol

Nashiru> says (12:56 AM):
but it's true
LOLZ XD

zhiyu` says (12:56 AM):
hey!
tsk
haha

zhiyu` says (12:57 AM):
our group has all the goodlooking people huh HAHA
XDXD

Nashiru> says (12:58 AM):
like me!

zhiyu` says (12:59 AM):
LOL
shameless luh omgomg HAHAHA

Nashiru> says (12:59 AM):
yeah yeah
joker ma

zhiyu` says (12:59 AM):
LOL

Nashiru> says (1:00 AM):
good right

zhiyu` says (1:00 AM):
haha yala yala lol

Nashiru> says (1:02 AM):
must help the group
cheerful XD

zhiyu` says (1:02 AM):
LOL

we are all extremely buyaolian hahaha!!

<3 MYSTICAL MOISSANITE!!
:D:D

1:00 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

hai.
what exactly should i do.
gah.

{EDIT\}

dammit remembering everything hurts like crazy!
i really wanna cry now..
hai.

12:53 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

okay.
before the verdict's out and if the verdict's negative,
i just wanna say..
i guess..
i really miss you.
and how you were in the past.
(:

12:45 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

what can i say.
i'm a happy happy girl.
(x

{EDIT\}

okay or maybe not.
hai.
ow.

3:10 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

ohohoh.
if i text anyone asking if you're alright randomly, pardon me.
it should be the aftermath of any dream i have that scared me.
i do get worried by my dreams easily.
:\

8:49 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

gah.
you make me feel like a baby who needs protection.
goodness.
T.T

8:36 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

i shall push the previous irritating post down with a more cheerful post.
so!
nah i just wanna say how grateful i am to all these people (besides MYSTICAL MOISSANITE! :D:D) for making my days at the camp filled to the brim with fun joy and laughter. just pure enjoyment.


hazique sheena & i
<3 darlings!! :D:D


hazique me sheena mingyao


sheena mingyao hazique albin


jiamin sheena hazique

8:01 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

it's damn irritating when someone tries forcing his/her thoughts on me, pushing me to do thing(s) they think is/are right.
thing(s) that THEY think is/are right.
..
and i WAS about to change my blogskin cuz i was getting tired of using the same one for 2months and a bit.
but now.
i shall NOT change.
at least not for now.
childish immature blablabla i know.
all for the sake of one nameless i don't even know.
but!
the more he/she wants me to change, the more i refuse to.
hmph.

okay obviously the bout of siaoness isn't gone yet.
((:

7:19 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

gah.
another weird dream.
about him.
again.
qianning knows who i'm talking about.
i'm more than hundred percent sure nobody else knows who the him it is i'm talking about.
and i'm sure even if any of you tries guessing you'll get it wrong.
unless you really know me i guess.?
maybe.
:\
yup.
but this time it was him and another person.
walau damn sickening.
and i thought..
gah nevermind.
!@#$%^&*()

5:01 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

just returned from CABIN Club Camp and madagascar 2 with sheena and mingyao :D:D

gah damn angry. i typed a super long entry on the camp and it just disappeared.
UGH.
nevermind.
this post shall be super short and sweet.
perhaps i should start off by saying how sweet my group is for refilling and bringing my bottle to me during the telematch when i had no free hand to carry my bottle and no time to refill it. i'm really touched kae! ((:
oh and thanks to everyone, volunteers and campers alike, for showing me concern during the night games when i was alone in the ulu bball court and it was super dark.
i was manning Flourry, and everyone threw flour at me for fun while i was recording their score.
okay luh i didn't mind and played with them cuz they meant no harm and it was super fun.
so i ended up covered in a lot of flour and when i went back to the audi everyone was like, omg what happened to you. LOL. damndamn fun.
and millions of thanks to hazique and albin for being so patient with me.
oh lol i gave albin like about half of my lunch yesterday cuz i was damn sure i couldn't finish it but everyone else said it's more than half. and he gave me half his fishcake.
WAS I REALLY BEING CRUEL?
lol.
but yup, then during bbq albin and tyler kept stuffing food onto my plate and making me eat more.
hazique and i felt super bad during the bbq.
cuz albin got a sunburn but he kept hanging around the pit cooking. it's damn hot lor. and he has a sunburn. i think he'll really be in great pain for a few days.
like.
soon.
damn poor thing.
hmm.
oh and thanks, again, to albin, for accompanying me up to the 4th level last night to get my stuff before meeting the rest downstairs to practice Ice Kachang.
thanks to sheena and hazique, for being my alarm clock and also washing up and things with me.
and well, i guess.
just, it's the best camp i've been to so far, i really enjoyed myself and i miss everyone already.
and it's like, everyone was asking me to go onstage to perform when they called for volunteers to LOL! albin hazique and sheena got dragged up. i was too stubborn. until the 2nd time when tyler and cleon managed to drag me onstage. it's the first time i really dared stand onstage and dance around with them, and really enjoying myself.
and i have to say, group 5, MYSTICAL MOISSANITE!, was really bonded. Glam Champ was a success , thanks to these darlings, and also hazique and albin. albin and i were giving stage instructions while hazique was observing during a free time before performance. fiah told me to accompany her onstage to give her moral support, and i did, as did albin and hazique, hazique introducing the skit. it went really well. whee~
and then this morning sheena and i went sot going around imitating brit accent. albin commented i forgot to take my medicine LOL. before leaving there was a video taken during the course of the camp, and albin's face appeared pretty frequently. we agreed the staff love his face HAHA. and then we exchanged little notes of encouragement before we left. lalala.
kae luh think i'll elaborate more when i have the time. frustrated with the stupid comp.


notes from group 5 - MYSTICAL MOISSANITE <3


keepsakes.


i wasn't ready.. = =


"crime scene" -- night game


after disassembling the squares the campers in group 5 decided to get creative (:


hazique and albin


all 5 squares done.


sheena mingyao doing ice kachang dance ((:

5:41 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Monday, November 10, 2008

all that just for your 5mins niceness.
call me an idiot, i don't care.
i think it's worth it.
i hate nastiness.
but well..
thankyou, all the same, for that 5mins' worth of niceness you gave today, despite yesterday.
i don't mind you not unblocking me now.
i won't bug you anymore.
(:

7:30 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

you know
i'm really damn tired.

12:08 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

you want a war?
you've got it.

{EDIT\}

i knew happiness will never be with me.
yesterday's happiness was, as usual, temporary.
today when he unblocked me.
that was temporary.
i should have known.
i'm really tired trying to make you see things you'll never see.
not because you can't see them.
you refuse to see them.
edmund, yuge, i'm sorry i still talked to him.
most of all, sorry, to myself, for breaking the promise, that vow, never ever to speak to him again.
but i think i'll carry that oath through now.

6:25 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

what else can i say?
never offend a taurean.
especially a female taurean.
(:

{EDIT\}

HAHAHA I CAN'T TAHAN ANYMORE THIS IS SUPER FUNNY I'M ALREADY LAUGHING LIKE CRAP.

{EDIT\}

yes dear if you've yet to realise, you offended TWO female taureans.
u (Y)
((:

4:06 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

you just ruined my day.

3:43 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

http://www.goldinuniverse.com/showprofile.asp?id=1/3/2/6/0/5/7/4/&name=zy

it's getting more and more accurate for some reason.
hmm..

so.
woke up yesterday morning at 0830 thanks to my alarm and realised with a start that my arms could barely move.
ached a hell lot.
darn pain.
thanks to wufei.
lugged two zhongsuos back with my scores.
so my arms ended up pretty much dead.
it's still sore now.
gah.
but yup, yesterday, to distract myself from the pain in my arms, i slept in later, since there was still 2 hours before i had to leave house to meet pam.
but well.
as usual.
i woke up a tad late, at 0954, and rushed through washing up and eating, throwing on whatever clothes i laid my hands on first and dashing out of the house.
thanks goodness my dad drove me over to woodlands mrt station.
otherwise i really wouldn't know how i could have gotten there with no casualties to my arms.
the zhongsuo weighed a lot more on my sore arms.
hai.
so train-ed to cck, met pam at the interchange (she was later than i was HAHAHA) and we took 190 over to bras basah (or so we thought) with her carrying one zhongsuo for me to lessen my load.
turned out 190 doesn't go bras basah like she thought LOL!
so we went around in circles, stopping at Central (or whatever that place is called heh) for a little walkaround, before taking the bus to bras basah.
WHATTHEHELL I WAS WONDERING WHERE EXACTLY THAT PLACE IS AND IT TURNED OUT TO BE SHUCHENG.
bah.
but still pretty far, whether i know the place or not.
and we were both complaining and blaming everything on wufei.
((:
so we went to KahHeng.
that shop luh.
and what did the lady tell us?
"huh? nobody said the gaosheng is ready for collection nobody said anybody's coming to collect it leh."
whatthehell.
thanks ah wufei.
both of us rolled our eyes.
gah.
well.
but still.
sent zhongsuos for repair lor.
left pam's name since she's the vice pres and i don't want wufei to know my name.
i don't like him.
rather, i loathe even the sight of him.
urgh.
yup then bought dimo like i promised my sectionmates.
no idea if it's enough to last till the dimo the school ordered comes or not.
bah.
but well, S$3.
okay luh.
she claimed it to be top quality.
do we really care?
lol.
nevermind luh.
just try lor.
so yup, there was a little girl playing pipa, practicing for grade5.
(Y)
pam shocked.
HAHA!
then we went down to popular so i could search for my twilight books and she could search for Tale of Two Cities.
lousy shop assistant went to check if there was still stock and came back forgetting about us.
-.-
i bet he went to slack lor please.
so then we couldn't find the cover that pam's dad wants but i found Twilight and New Moon, which i then bought.
for..
S$30.95.
hmm.
i don't know if it's worth it, yet.
should be about the same everywhere.?
yup.
then.
went over to PS yoshinoya since pam was complaining of hunger and she wanted to go to the ice house there.
bing1 guan3 luh!!
house of ice.
WHATEVER!
yup.

sidetrack.
jinxian unblocked me.
no idea when.
but well.
i'm kinda pissed that he unblocked me.
bah.

BACK ON TRACK.
then we went to yoshinoya for skinless teriyaki chicken bowl.
i totally forgot to remind her she can't eat chicken when she's sick.
bah.
but we ended up not eating ice.
and after lunch we walked over to Ngee Ann City.
to go kinokuniya.
for our books.
:D:D
yup.
and i found Eclipse and Breaking Dawn.
:DD
(if popular assistants tell you the suppliers have no stock of Eclipse and you have to wait 6 to 8 weeks if you order from them, go straight to Kino@NgeeAnn. they just restocked. but not that much left either. whee~)
then pam went to look for Tale of Two Cities.
found it.
but not the exact same one her dad wanted.
so didn't buy.
after buying our books we went shopping.
but no clothes bought.
well at least i know where to shop now (x
QIANNING I WANNA GO SHOPPING!!
so.
stopped by watson's cuz pam wanted to look for vaseline.
okay.
in the end she bought this hair moisturising mist and i bought the same thing + meltykisses choc + a facial cleanser.
HAHA!
haiya.
can't afford lindt, settle for meltykisses lor.
no mellowkiss either.
all the way in jap leh.
IMPORT SOME LEH PLEASE!
then we went into random clothes shop.
look at clothes luh duh.
went zara.
and guess.
and fainted.
over the prices.
((x
so then.
we settled on pretzels for dinner after walking through this maze of food and drooling over super ex chocolates and nice brownies that to me, classified under sinful indulgence.
i had chocolate mint and cinnamon sugar.
pam, in total from the day, had garlic, cheese, parmesan cheese and cinnamon sugar.
(Y)
while we were in bossini yuge said all her fake lashes from the lash extension she went for fell off already and edmund was deciding where to go for class dinner.
HAHAHA.
okay siao.
oh there was this pretty cute shop assistant (SHUTTUP LUH MAYDAY. WHAT I'M NOT TRULY HAPPY. SHUSH!) in Gramophone.
((x
but as usual i was trying to dig for flaws on him and decided his face was a tad too big.
and a little too squarish.
-.-
yup then we went Cineleisure for pam's earphone.
she nearly died when she thought there wasn't anymore of the orange drops earphones that she was salivating over.
but we found it.
okay fine SHE found it.
and she was, duh, damn happy.
hahaha.
S$30.
hmm..
and we saw a lot of nice clothes there.
but dang i'm already quite broke this month thanks to twilight.
T.T
then we went home.
on the train.
she decided to accompany me.
:D
thankyousoSOmuch!
and i saw weehow at escalators LOL!
he was shocked.
i was shocked.
tsk.
we only got seats at sembawang haha.
oh and we decided if we were ever to have another CO dinner or exco dinner we'll go seoul garden at ngeeanncity.
whee~
lousy edmund went wisma's foodcourt for class dinner.
tsk.
and went bugis.
TSK.
*shakes head*
reached home at 2200.
watched duomaomao.
pam texted to say thanks for a nice day.
:D
bathed.
read newmoon.
slept.
my bro's friend stayed over cuz my parents were in KL.
he stayed over SO THE BOTH OF THEM COULD DOTA THROUGH THE NIGHT.
*shakes head*
when i woke up this morning (around 9plus i believe) they were still at it.
tsk.

2:11 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

2:06 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.