Sunday, May 31, 2009

kae just got back from the whole cip thing.

adidas sundown marathon.

yeah.

dead tired.

didn't sleep till 6plus. woke up at 0646. lol what kind of sleep is that. when i woke up i was still so tired i actually nodded off while listening to this group of people talk. i know i was slowly losing my consciousness cuz i was slowly losing control of my neck holding it straight but i could still ehar those people talking. then suddenly it became quieter. so i jerked awake. then this person asked me "are you okay?" i said "uh yeah (:" he asked "sure? o.o" me: yeah. he asked " did you run the marathon? O.O" i shook my head. he said "maybe you should run a little. wakes you up (:" i was horrified kae cuz my thumbs were aching like shit and my index was mutilated whereas my legs were like dying so i said "uh no 0.0" he said "really running a little wakes you up. i jog with you 100m" i said "uh no thanks haha" he said "oh okay then. sure ah? o.o" yeah. lol. siao. imagine if i went running. i was already complaining about the 2km back to the gathering place only after walking a short while ahhaha. bobian luh im damn grouchy when i'm deprived of sleep haha.

so what did we do last night? the first few hours were okay the crowd wasnt exactly a crowd it wasall quite lax until.. yeah 1plus or 2 plus in the morning. then everything literally went mad. i was pouring water in the cups frantically then being ordered to arrange cups then set up cups pass bottles open bottles pass cups then we realised hey i have a long cut damn pain i should do deepheat so i went to do deepheat (duh) and then the runners seriously just come chionging at you going "DEEPHEAT! DEEPHEAT!" lol. yeah so we eventually ran out of it. then people were so desperate they took the very obviously squeezed out like mad tubes and started squeezing refusing to believe there was none left haha. yeah. then this person was asking me to give him deepheat. (it's counterpain actually) so i was like orh okay, looking for his outstretched hand. don't have. i asked "deepheat?" he said "yeah. help me rub leh. *points to legs*" i was like, horrified i thought we only needed to squeeze out for them but bobian he was hurrying me already so just anyhowanyhow squeeze and spread over the leg lor. he was like "okay thats so much better thanks" then my hand was burning from the counterpain. (Y) nvm. i'd eventually have gotten the thing on my hands anyway lol. yeah so after the counterpain finished i went back to pouring water. hands damn pain lol. damn tiring.

yeah so i shall go sleep now. ahhaha. good day.

oh yeah. if this certain person kept sneezing last night, ahhaha i'm so sorry. it was damn late i had nothing better to do so yeah.

only christella knows what i'm talking about and i'm pretty darned sure she won't reveal it (x

11:33 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

i think i may have lost myself.

1:07 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Friday, May 29, 2009

right i was reading stuff to do with religion myths and legends online today.

not just buddhism. christianity egyptian myths and etc.

but no i don't think i should talk about the stuff i find enlightening here.

a bit sensitive haha.

but yeah.

i was on urbandharma.com and this guy's speech given in a school in L.A. was pretty interesting. 2 of his speeches actually. sent me thinking about a lot of things.

why am i even blogging about this ==

but yup.

it was overall a pretty interesting read.

teehee~

10:35 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

right and so the one who lies strikes again.

10:34 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

been talking to christella about future plans.

kinda planned out what i'm gonna do. where i'm going after alevels (if i do make it there lol.)

took darn long to finally conceive a think-it'll-work-out plan.

still remember how i used to talk to qianning about these things and we'll go hey let's go blablabla after secondary school together and study then live together in the student hostel kae?

lol.

things used to be so simple.

7:24 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

i don't know why these few days i've been suffering from stm (short term memory). shoot.

been thinking about the past.

i don't know why it is that i enjoy going to school less now.

i just wanna stay home and catch up with my sleep.

hardly ever happened back in primary school and before.

not even while in my primary 6 days.

i really really have no idea what's wrong :\ someone enlighten me?

i make more friends than i did in primary school, i'm more extroverted now, but why was i more keen in going to school in the past?

you know since secondary school days i've been looking for excuses not to attend school.

i'd be damn happy whenever there was a holiday or when i get an mc.

but not during my primary school days. (okay fine except while in primary 3 cuz those days really sucked loads ahhaha.) during holidays i do look forward to school. mc days were just, okay i should get well quick. i think it's because i had qianning at school with me? yeah i guess.

but i have cheryl huiqi christella and co with me now too don't i? so what's the difference? i really have no idea. neither do i know why the stress is piling. gah.

today is a sucky emo day. (:

wait maybe i know why.

maybe it's merely because..

those days were much..

simpler.

7:17 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

tarot.com: Saturday, May 30th, 2009 -- Although everyone else seems out of step with reality, you are marching to a reliable drummer today as the Moon enters a fellow earth sign. [sure?] You can still keep a steady pace, even when fleet footed Mercury screeches to a halt in determined Taurus. Nevertheless, you can work yourself into a state of high anxiety if you believe that you must finish everything you start now. [let's see. i'm doing cip tomorrow ahhaha!] Fortunately, you know how to practice patience.

astrology.com: Saturday, May 30th, 2009 -- Focus on appearance today -- even if it feels more superficial than usual. You can make some interesting tweaks to your look that should make you feel a lot better about yourself down deep. [yeah i wanna go cut hair T.T]

Mutual respect may feel like a dying art today when you are forced to deal with someone who uses arrogance to get their way. [hmm. let's see.. cip tomorrow.. hmm..] Luckily, the encounter will be fairly brief. [ooh. (:] You can try to teach them a lesson if you really want to, but it might be much more amusing if you just let them behave the way they want to and just walk away, laughing. [OOH! (x] You cannot be responsible for the behavior of other people, so do not let yourself get caught up in it. [okay! XD]

Someone you like gives you the heads up that you're their number-one BFF, [i don't even know the guy please. ==] and you couldn't be happier. It's a great day to hang out with good friends [yeah i'llbe doing cip with sheena and hazique :D], or even to turn someone into a love connection [HMM.. (x].

7:02 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Thursday, May 28, 2009

astrology.com, Friday, 29th May 2009 - Someone proposes a closer relationship -- though it may be quite far from romance! You should see if you can get more of your people to sign on, as there is definitely power in numbers today.

Even though you love them dearly, your family is not totally in sync with you right now. Do not be surprised if you have a hard time communicating with them. Saying what you truly want may feel difficult, but is that a difficulty you are imposing on yourself? Today, come clean with what you are thinking and just speak from the heart. You may be surprised at how warmly you are received. Expect the best, and you will get it.

tarot.com, Friday, May 29th, 2009 -- You cannot keep your life as simple as you want and still reach for the stars, but you don't want to give up. Ultimately, you could tire yourself out today by trying to resolve your conflict about what you ought to be doing. You like it much better when you're not being pulled in two directions, yet it's hard to reach for your goals now if they fly in the face of common sense. You may have to stand back from the dilemma in order to find a resolution.

10:15 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

oops.

teehee.

extremely good mood.

8:26 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

check this out:

Zhi just took the "What Type of Student Are You In School?" quiz and the result is Apathetic.

A cousin of the slacker, your effort comes and goes. When you feel like it your grades are good enough, but to you it doesn't really matter. Your answer to not having homework in is a shoulder shrug and a blank stare- In fact, your stare is so piercing that you can't ever seem to make eye contact with teachers. If you are a guy: The girls excluding the goody goodies love you. If you are a girl: The guys except the stoners and apathetics hate you. Depending on whether you feel like running, your coaches think you are awesome. When the principal yells at you Your response is so simple that he thinks you are the antichrist. [i think it's because i tend to roll my eyes and only roll my eyes. no point getting your point across nobody ever listens.] When the kids at lunch spit on you you keep walking unphased. You are often the outlet of destruction upon bullies in the school because you will stand up to the bullies when no one else will. [such as one person who has been messing things up for us? (: and one oh-so-important key personnel? :D] You are a double agent in the sense that you will just walk by a kid getting stuffed in a trash can and not even miss a beat. When the bully takes your lunch money you freak him out by giving him a tip. Your hero is The word whatever. reason? You dan't care.

i am very shocked (:

11:44 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

astrology says, Thursday, 28th May 2009 - Nobody has infinite patience -- though you do sometimes feel as if people expect you to approach that level! Today, you need to do your best to stay open to people's weirdness, but it won't last forever.

If other people around you over react to an explosive situation today, the worst thing you can do is follow their example. Screaming at someone who has been rude or inconsiderate isn't going to mitigate the stress, it will only increase it. Be mindful of your role in every conversation, and try to be a force for mutual respect, not power struggles. You will have to take the high road today. Another day will come to get down and dirty.

tarot.com says, Thursday, May 28th, 2009 -- There's no need to show everyone how together you are today, for the very act of drawing attention to your security exposes your lack of it. While it may be true that your self-esteem has been vacillating, it's more important now to do something that makes you feel good, instead of trying to gain approval from others. Refocus on your inner world rather than placing undue significance on outside influences.

so how?

10:12 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Wednesday, 27th May 2009 - Let your people know how you're feeling today -- you might surprise them with a display of contentment that is rare for you! It's good for your family to see this side, so make the most of it!

really? so should i?

10:09 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

i have only this to say:

pam's post totally made my day.

my what-was-supposed-to-be-a-lousy-day day.

HAHA!

9:38 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Wednesday, May 27th, 2009 -- You might not be seeing things at work as clearly as you believe, so proceed with caution if you must make any significant decisions. It's not that you are missing any important facts; it's just that your aspirations are strongly coloring your palate today and the future appears brighter than it is in reality. But don't give up on your dreams, for they can change your life for the better.

11:11 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

白痴.

11:09 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

you tell me luh kae you tell me luh.

the exco '08-'09 is only for show!?

FOR SHOW!?

wait wait wait WHERE EXACTLY DID THAT COME FROM?

!@#$%^&*()

i daresay the exco has tried its very best to improve things WE CAN'T HELP IT IF THERE'S ONE PERSON SPOILING EVERYTHING CAN WE?

ask for opinions from former co members.

nownownow are you sure we haven't tried giving suggestions.

it's very hard to make an orchestra with a different culture and things do everything you tell it to.

no one team can be exactly the same as the other team.

all i can say is we all tried our best.

if our efforts are doubted, FINE.

i was sitting in there fuming alright.

it aint our fault if there are people in the orchestra ruining everything for everyone.

seriously there are things that all you people don't know about.

things that are well kept between a few of us because we don't want trouble.

but frankly if you want us to say everything we can and we will.

and YOU. you know who you are. stop freaking creating all sorts of different trouble for everyone.

you know how hurting it is when someone says you're barely doing anything when you've really given your best? you know how disheartening it is to hear people complain about things when it's just that you weren't given chances? speak up if there aren't chances? c'mon they said there wasn't enough time so they decided to sacrifice our performance. that one yeah i can understand but since circumstances limit our chances are you sure you can blame every single thing on us and say we're barely doing anything?

seriously, i give up. sure there are people who aren't as serious as everyone else would like them to be, but if it's merely because of these people IN ADDITION TO THAT ONE PERSON AND ONE MORE VERY IMPORTANT KEY PERSONNEL THAT THE ENTIRE EXCO IS SAID TO BE THERE ONLY FOR SHOW, then you know what. i really don't know what people see to be effort. cuz i know we definitely gave our best. it's damn easy to speak of things we wanna do for the orchestra to boost their morale and up their standards but when it comes down to actually doing everything? aint so easily done. i remember we were all once much more enthusiastic than you people kae, we were talking about what we wanna do for the orchestra how we want the orchestra to improve but when we really got down to having to do all these things? it really isn't as simple as you people see it to be. but we definitely gave our best. if nobody can see it then WHATEVER. i don't wanna think about it anymore it's all over anyway.

all i can say is, the main reason i wanna step down is because of that one key personnel who is extremely arrogant when he really is actually nothing and that one person who has been giving people nothing but trouble. i can't even step down in peace now because if i tep down i'll feel damn guilty if the orchestra closes down yet if i don't i have to tolerate these people for another year. tell me luh what am i to do. i know, i'm not anybody important my presence doesn't make any difference. you don't have to tell me that.

eh wait. i left out 2 people.

and to these two people, please get your facts right and use your brains a little before you talk.

tyvm.

8:37 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Tuesday, May 26th, 2009 -- Today might seem a bit busier than yesterday, yet you are not as eager to engage in all the commotion [er cuz i wanna leave the cca? yeah haha.]. Unfortunately, you might not be able to just walk away, for you have commitments that involve others [oh.my.god. don't do this to me please i've been tolerating ahtan for a whole year.]. Thankfully, you can make the best of the dilemma by doing what you must in the outer world while simultaneously daydreaming about what you wish you could do. Most likely, no one will even notice your preoccupation.

is this thing for real or not. ==

12:08 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Monday, May 25, 2009

幸福不灭

没原因就是喜欢你

在初次相遇有重逢的心情

深呼吸让心动隐形

完美的爱情是无声的旋律

听我听你不确定的语气

等我等你放下你的犹豫

嘿如果你轻轻闭上眼睛

我会明白你做的决定

CauseIBelieve那幸福不灭的定律

在你手心会有谁给你的美丽

静者恒静就让我的心安静地守着你

祝福不用回应

没原因就是喜欢你

就像海眷恋天空般的心情

你前进看着你背影

就足够世界无条件的放晴

你如果已爱上他的姓名

爱如果已没有我的空隙

嘿只要你可以永远开心

我会情愿渐渐被忘记

CauseIBelieve那幸福不灭的定律

在你手心会有谁给你的美丽

静者恒静就让我的心安静地守着你

把祝福送给你

OhIbelieve

CauseIbelieve

那幸福不灭的定律

你的手心不一定要由我握紧

就像恒星总会有发光的原因

OhIbelieve你值得被珍惜

也值得我放弃

11:51 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Monday, May 25th, 2009 -- You need to give a lot today and even if you get to celebrate a holiday with your family, the day still might take its toll. You may feel as if you are treading water while the current keeps carrying you backward, but this is just a temporary effect of Mercury retrograde in your sign. Luckily, you know a thing or two about patience and, fortunately, it will be rewarded soon enough.

12:36 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Sunday, May 24th, 2009 -- You might become annoyed at someone (yeah. two people in fact. but that was damn late yesterday so.. okay it still counts.) because the unsettling feeling of the Gemini New Moon can shorten your emotional fuse. On the other hand, you may express a thought that's been on your mind for a while, but you kept waiting for the right time. (yupyup. still waiting [: ) This moment isn't necessarily better than any other, but you're more likely to say or do something now that increases the movement of energy, rather than sustaining the status quo. (hurh but i sustained status quo == all i did was went crazy window shopping and noting things i wanna get.)

12:34 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

right just ate one sushi so that i can eat my medicine after posting this ahhaha.

my father woke me up at this unearthly hour of 0949 (hey it's unearthly for me alright. it's a sunday!) to hurry me to the doctor. so d' oh off i went to wash up and go to the clinic. doc said my i don't know what swelled cuz of my sore throat which is inflamed. yeah. so in the end im exempted from pe this entire week i don't have to go to school tomorrow (but i might still be going == what a hardwoeking girl i am lol) i've got antibiotic medicine for gastric headache cough and 2 kinds of pills for flu. yeah. nice one. i do not know what i sound like.

after the trip to the doc's i made my way home. wanted to sleep in but i thought whattheheck might as well go watch drama and things and eat breakfast at the same time so i can eat my med later afterwhich i shall go prepare to go down to the temple. so i watched my video and ate breakfast, followed by my med. after a while more i went to my room to get my clothes to shower. so i went to my room.. my bed started waving hi.. hence i plopped myself on the bed thinking man this medicine is really making me sleepy i shall just lie here a while until i stop feeling this giddy.. and then i fell asleep. == for 20mins i think. == so when i finally woke myself up i went to shower. by the time i came out christella was at my house ahhaha. so then i ate a hurried lunch and we went to bugis. after the temple thing we went shopping teehee. at BHG and bugis street. BBHG so christella could get a bag (which i wanted ahhaha) and then bugis street for fun. saw dozens of things i wanna get so yeah. i'll definitely drop by again during the june hols for a couple of shopping trips. so im gonna save up. teehee~ so christella got her shades and we went for dinner. during which mau called and decided she'll come join us. so after dinner we met mau and went shopping at bugis street again. saw more stuff i want. pretty tempted to pierce my ears now but i'm still afraid of pain == then maybe get highlights in june too but gah a bit troublesome if i wanna go back to school luh. mau got her bits and pieces and a belt there. crapped a whole lot ahhaha. about random people. whee~ i realise i'm a very very very faithful girl. (: lala~ but bla. okay let's not go there (x so. christella, you kinda agreed with my taste please do not deny that fact (: and mau. he's so not cute please. == TSK. okay nvm our tastes are just uber different. but hmm.. our tastes in other things (clothes and etc haha) are quite similar so thats good (:

ooh my hair's dry i shall go eat medicine and sleep.

whee~

12:15 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

click this:

or go here:

http://www.socialvibe.com/whaleman?r=482762&rs=spread_35

11:45 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

At this particular time you are feeling the results of extreme stress and you are seeking a 'way out' but you are pushing too hard [hence explaining what seemed to be like seeking trouble on my part these days.]. Obviously you need peace, tranquillity and contentment [yeah. OBVIOUSLY.]. Your temperament is such that you are hoping, unrealistically perhaps, that your desires will shortly be fulfilled (even if at this time you are not quite sure what those true aspirations may be!). [see. unrealistically. man.]

In actual fact you are not willing to exert yourself in any way [finally someone understands. urgh.]. You have that truly 'laid back' attitude and are unwilling to extend yourself or exert undue effort [uh huh.]. You feel that to move forward - be it in your life style or in business relationships - would require more energy output than you are prepared to give at this time. You want to take life easy and your attitude is such that 'Enough is Enough'. [PRECISELY!]

Enough is enough - but the problems never seem to stop. They never stop. You feel, and maybe you are right, that the problems seem to go on and on and you have indeed had more than your fair share of trials and tribulations. But to give you credit - you bounce back time and time again - you stick to your beliefs because deep down you have that inner knowledge, that 'belief' system that in the end, everything will turn out OK - and you are right -it will!

You are an emotional, sincere and impressionable individual experiencing frustration and unnecessary stress. You are carried away by other people's enthusiasm and looking for that idealised relationship [not all r/s has to be related to bgr kae ==], be it in a business or personal situation, which you are able to share with a mutual depth of understanding. You have lowered your defences in the past and you have been hurt [so totally coincides with my post before just moments ago don't you think?], so you are now extremely wary of being exploited [and again it comes colliding with my previous post.]. You are still ready to trust people on the condition that they are prepared to offer you proof of their sincerity. [quite hard aint it]

You are inclined to be too trusting and you feel that you need to be on your guard against the possibility that your endeavours and actions may be misunderstood. [exactly the post from just now aint it] Too often you have been taken advantage of and you have been mentally abused [a conclusion of everything i posted just now. eh wait now i'm made to sound like Antoinette. == psychotic.]. Now you are seeking a relationship which can provide peace of mind, where you can be yourself and not have the need to put on a false front. [yeah. like FINALLY SOMEONE IS ABLE TO VOICE OUT MY NEEDS FOR ME.]

does this thing just understand me or what ahhaha.

coincides so much with my previous post haha.

hai super emo now i've got no idea why.

bla.

oh fb says my prince charming is Mr. Darcy. like, L-O-L!

1:51 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

i wanna know myself.

11:34 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

right i was on the bus home with christella when i heard this guy telling his friend 做人简单一点不要那么复杂. yeah that one simple sentence stayed with me damn long. i realise i really don't trust people. i'm meticulous. too meticulous. yet at the same time i let my guard down really easily. like how? i suspect there's a motive behind every word that everyone says, yet when someone says something that sounds nice and/or totally out of my expectations, i start thinking hey maybe this person is quite nice afterall, AND THEN I GET SHOT BACK IN MY FACE == see luh. so it's better being meticulous aint it.

right so after that that group of people were saying "aiya why study so hard the world is going to end in 2012 anyway i've come up with 2 logic. logic one, we should stay happy since one year there's only 365 days so we should stay happy all 365days. so there may be one day we're not happy. what happens then? that leads us to logic two. refer to logic one." yeah something like that. then they started making fun of 谚语, coming up with all kinds of nonsense. quite funny luh actually haha.

okay thats not the point. the point is, i've thus concluded, despite that very sensible sentence that is still stuck in my mind, i'm better off being meticulous. guard myself against everything, against everything and every word that people say.

10:32 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Friday, May 22, 2009

right i was doing my homework, thinking how to do this stupid question, and then my mind started wandering off elsewhere. and i realised i have like 2 or 3 mouth ulcers in addition to my flu cough and sore throat. so i was half annoyed with my ulcers, fiddling with them with my tongue, thinking about something, and about to get off my chair when i stepped on a bottle. (Y) damn pain. so obviously i snapped out of my daydream. it's as though things are telling me to stop, well, yeah, my daydreams. to land back on earth. sucks.

7:52 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Saturday, May 23rd, 2009 -- You don't want to do a lot of extra work today. In fact, you might choose to spend the day relaxing if it is totally up to you. But it's not only about your desires now, as there are social obligations that you must fulfill. Don't stress about it. Your resistance to doing what's expected of you is worse than the event itself.

7:42 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

it still feels weird being a senior j1 and mixing with the juniors.

it's as though you can never blend in well you can never be a friend to them you'll always be their senior.

urgh.

7:38 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

You are feeling exhausted, worn out, drained. You feel that far too much is being asked of you but you still want to overcome these difficulties and establish yourself despite the effect such an effort seems to have on you. You are a proud person, assertive most of the time, but at this particular moment you are acting as if you have become resigned to the situation. What you need is some tender loving care - a gentle pat on the head (or maybe a 'kick-up-the backside') and then you'll be raring to go.
You are a true extrovert, frivolous and outgoing. You need to feel in control of any situation. If matters are not proceeding according to plan you tend to get extremely irritable and perhaps become difficult to live with.
You are feeling under considerable pressure and you are being forced to make concessions. You are not particularly happy with this state of affairs but you feel that you have no alternative. If you were to force issues you would be left out or completely ignored by one and all.
All of your stress arises from lack of mutual understanding. The existing situation is unsatisfactory and you feel that you are unable to improve it without the help and co-operation of others. The need for understanding and for affectionate 'give and take' remains unsatisfied. You are experiencing the feeling of being 'handcuffed' - 'tied down' - 'hindered' - 'restrained' and this untenable situation is giving rise to impatience, irritability and the desire to escape from it all.
You are being very dogmatic, insisting that there is to be absolutely no equivocation whatsoever about your achievements and accomplishments.

3:20 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Friday, May 22nd, 2009 -- The Moon's return to your bucolic sign can help you to find the peace you are seeking. But you may grow bored today and think of ways to add a bit of excitement into your life. Unfortunately, once you do, you might pine for the calmer circumstances you left behind. Instead of shaking up your life, try changing your attitude. You have the power to enjoy yourself exactly where you are now.

what is it talking about 0.0

11:29 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

you don't create a whole chunk of problems and then blame everything on someone else.

someone who is innocent.

someone who was dragged into the picture by you.

i've been made your scapegoat before, likewise two other people.

all merely because we trusted you too much.

now you're doing the same thing to someone else who trusts you and isn't close to you at all.

you (Y)

you have any idea how shameless you are?

9:20 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Thursday, May 21st, 2009 -- You may wake up from one of those really strange dreams where everything appears so vivid, yet it seems to make no sense, however you try to interpret it. If you are reminded of the nonsensical symbols during the day when something odd happens, it instantaneously brings the entire sequence back into awareness. Don't try to force meaning onto the mysterious messages from your subconscious. They will work their magic if you simply remember them.

11:19 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

8:14 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Wednesday, May 20th, 2009 -- Your feelings may be hurt by someone who acts unfriendly to you today and try as you might, you just don't understand what you did to deserve such a cold shoulder. It's wise, however, to consider that you've done nothing to elicit this rejection. It might be more of a challenge to see that your current angst may be based on a simple misunderstanding, rather than an intentional slight.

yeah like that has happened so many times these few weeks already?

boo.

11:30 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

okay i went browsing friendster again after god knows how long ago lol.

man i really miss certain moments.

certain people.

boo.

and i can't do a shit about anything.

gah.

9:57 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

so i was chatting

catching up

reminiscing

when i realise i do miss you.

boo.

it's unfair how the rest get to see you and i don't.

sucks.

stranger.

i know you should have changed.

a lot.

a hell lot.

i know i have too.

physically.

appearance wise.

maybe even the zhiyu that i present to the outside world.

but deep in there, i haven't.

we all know that (:

i'm still the same person who loves clinging onto the past.

the same person who loves clinging on to memories.

i just miss you.

that's all.

nothing more.

stranger.

that's what you feel like to me now.

9:39 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Tuesday, May 19th, 2009 -- You might be so quick-witted today that you outsmart yourself. There's enough activity within your subconscious mind that you might forget what you said or did just moments ago. Needless to say, this can create an embarrassing situation unless you make a commitment to stay on top of it all. But don't be afraid to trust a snap judgment about others. Your intuition won't lead you astray now.

8:30 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

i really don't understand why some things have to change when they obviously have no reason to.

none. zero. niL. nada. zilch.

so tell me.

why do changes occur?

why do nice people just suddenly become..

i don't know.

jerks?

or are these people merely two-faced, and i've been too dumb to see through them?

10:22 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

i really know how to 自討苦吃 don't i.

lol.

8:57 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

i don't know if i really don't want to celebrate things, or if it's just that i've given up all hope.

i just want this wednesday to be a normal day.

a normal day where things will go back to how they were before.

before everything became so confusing.

the moments when i enjoyed myself most.

the moments when i was at my happiest these 3+ or 4 years.

7:47 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

i think i should reiterate one point.

i do not like people who have super-sized ego, who are extremely self-centred, and are insensitive to the max yet darn sensitive.

you have an ego, FINE. but a super-sized ego is definitely NOT FINE.

you prioritise your needs at times, FINE. but being self-centred is ANOTHER TOTALLY DIFFERENT STORY.

you're hot-headed and do things without realising you're stepping on others' mines at times, OR you're upset with people at times cuz they step on yours by accident, F-I-N-E FINE. but wanting everyone else to do things the way you want them to expecting every single thing to go your way ALL THE EFFING TIME WITHOUT A SINGLE THOUGHT FOR ANYBODY ELSE IS YET ANOTHER THING.

dang i need to chill BUT I CAN'T. all i can say you're the next person after julia and ahtan to make me so irritated even the last person to annoy me didn't reach this extent.

what, do you want to form an alliance with them?

oh wait, NO you don't like this place.

so if you don't THEN PLEASE LEAVE.

i don't think any place is obliged to keep you.

instead of complaining and irritating the hell out of me why not leave?

you'll be happier i'll be happier.

and in this case FUCK THEM ALL WHO CRY OVER YOUR DEPARTURE.

yeah that's how angry i am.

this time i'm gonna be selfish for myself for ONE TIME.

frankly, a person such as you deserve nobody's whatever you call it over your leaving.

yeah say then why am i not leaving co and just sitting there whining over how i despise ahtan.

because a lot of people don't like him either, and it was SYF that time. anyway i don't have to go back for practice now do i. we'll see how things go before i decide did i never say that.

yeah so if you really don't like it here, L-E-A-V-E.

nobody's forcing you to stay.

definitely not me.

BYEBYE.

4:23 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Monday, May 18th, 2009 -- You tend to oversimplify things today and this can create problems, especially if someone else believes that what you said completely describes a situation. There is more going on than meets the eye. Be careful, for a little misunderstanding over a missing piece of information can turn an easy discussion upside down. It will be much harder to untangle it than it is to prevent it.

4:23 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Sunday, May 17th, 2009 -- Your key planet Venus forms an awkward semisquare with logical Mercury today, indicating the difficulties you could have if you try to explain what you want. You may be quite clear, but somehow when you start talking about it, your plans sound fuzzier and fuzzier. Try to strike a healthy balance between your immediate personal needs and your long-term goals, but don't feel obliged to tell anyone until you are ready.

4:22 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Saturday, May 16th, 2009 -- You could be so fixed in your belief that all will end well that you don't take care of important business in the present moment. The power of positive thinking goes a long way to making things better, but it doesn't absolve you from being practical. You have too much at stake; don't bet your success on improvements in the future. Be here now.

2:25 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

i don't know what's wrong with today.

the person i don't want to see appeared in front of me today right after the person i wanna see most walks past me without my realisation AGAIN.

it's not the first time this kinda thing happened kae.

!@#$%^&*()

it's just worse today cuz i saw someone i never wanna see the rest of my life again

BLA.

2:00 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

if i don't manage to get you changed i'm really quitting.

for real.

since there's no more syf to worry about anyway.

who do you think you are.

ch.

1:43 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Friday, May 15, 2009

whoever it is who's cursing me

stop it already

i've been sneezing non-stop the entire day

T.T

right okay lame shit not funny

1:08 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Friday, May 15th, 2009 -- You might feel a bit spacey today, increasing the difficulty you have in making decisions. Paradoxically, you probably know what you want; you just cannot choose the best course of action. It's confusing when you cannot read the signals, but if you remain clear about your destination then your path will eventually become obvious.

8:42 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Thursday, May 14th, 2009 -- It's easier to express what you want today now that communicator Mercury is back in your 1st House of Personality. Additionally, you receive a strong dose of assistance from confident Jupiter, encouraging you to share everything. A little caution is advised, for there may be some things better kept to yourself. Remember, overconfidence can lead to unnecessary headaches.

im pretty sure i wasn't ever overconfident today considering i signed out of school at 1230 today due to stupid severe blocked nose hence there's like, no time at all for me to display any overconfidence? yeah.

SO WHY EXACTLY HAS MY HEADACHE STUCK WITH ME SINCE 9AM!?

and it's still NOT gone.

that's UNNECESSARY HEADACHE.

8:40 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

oh and let me reiterate this:

the reason my patience exists is not because i want you to test its limits and boundaries for me.

my level of tolerance, being MINE, well..

nobody will know where my limits are better than i do.

like, D'OH.

so.

stop provoking me like nobody's business.

it's not fun.

not at all.

8:30 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

you know it's funny how things never ever seem to go your way.

people either respect you too much or they don't give you due respect.

people you want to show you some respect never do whereas people who you think should see you as a friend see you as some old fogey and treat you with overwhelming respect.

what is this.

8:25 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

yeah am i dumb or am i dumb.

i realise i was twotimed only 2 whole years after breaking up.

yeah i'm like tearing my scar wide open again i don't know why ==

6:49 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Thursday, May 14th, 2009 -- It's easier to express what you want today now that communicator Mercury is back in your 1st House of Personality. Additionally, you receive a strong dose of assistance from confident Jupiter, encouraging you to share everything [i won't i know i won't.]. A little caution is advised, for there may be some things better kept to yourself [yeah this i know.]. Remember, overconfidence [haha i doubt there'll be any confidence from me puh-lease.] can lead to unnecessary headaches.

9:41 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

right get this: 識人指數95%。你是個很有眼光的人，因為你的分析洞察能力特別強。通常你只要和對方交談兩句，彼此再通過眼神交流，你就知道對方是好是壞。即使演技高超的人，在你面前也難以掩飾他的拙劣。但你也有感情用事的時候，此時雙眼就容易被情感矇蔽。

what does that mean?

i should trust my gut feelings. if i think that person is rubbish to the core the person IS most likely a bad person through and through if i think the person is actually not too bad then the person is most likely harmless i shouldn't let what other people tell me affect my judgment. whee. ==

你與哪種人勢不兩立? - 自以為是的自戀狂。這種自以為自己很了不起，藐視所有人的自戀狂，最讓你受不了。他總是用輕視的眼光看著你，你恨不得將他的眼珠挖掉。甚至有見他一次就要海扁他一次，並且還有踹他幾腳的衝動.

yeah we all know who 2 of these 自戀狂 people are.

近期你最容易被誰騙？- 狐群狗黨。你喜歡結交朋友，對待朋友也特別真誠，是個非常講義氣的人。近期一些酒肉朋友很可能會利用你，找你借錢或是慫恿你請客吃飯。所以，近期你盡量不要擺闊，更不要隨便許諾他人，以免錢財在不知不覺中吃光喝光.

hmm. so people are gonna cheat me of i don't know what. money. right. hmm. do i look rich to you :\

9:29 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

goodness the kinda things you can stumble upon when you surf the net at 5am in the morning.
right i went haoting.com and guess what i saw.
this male singer, who i nearly forgot exists, is releasing a new album.
after god knows how long.
proof?
2009年，殿堂级宅男欧得洋终于现出本尊，

用温暖的笑容给歌迷带来这张全新EP——《起飞》。这一次，我们终于认识了欧得洋。
that's what haoting.com says.
forgoing the 2008 feb's collection of his songs (which i didn't even know exists until now ==) the last album of his was july 2007.
O.O
okay i'm still in great shock ahhaha~
i thought the guy disappeared cuz it's been damn long since i last heard of any news about him.
right 0519 i shall go wake my brother up.
teehee~

5:13 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

alright it's what, 0450 on my laptop now.
the alarm woke me up at 0350 and i couldn't fall back asleep.
so i tossed and turned around in my bed, all the way until 4am when my alarm went off again.
i decided no i'm not gonna bathe yet i refuse to believe my hair takes such a long time to dry so i tried to sleep in later.
by 0408 i gave up on my failed attempts at trying to sleep (my next alarm was scheduled at 0415 lol) and went off to wash up and bathe.
came out at.. 0431.
that's like, the shortest time i've took to bathe so far.
okay that's not the point the point is after that i realised i can't fall asleep sitting on my bed ==
so..
yeah that's how i ended up here.
==
I WANNA SLEEP!!
but i can't fall asleep i won't be able to fall asleep even if i didn't go shower anyway i don't know why.
it's a very sad thing you know, being unable to sleep.
oh well, so long as i don't fall asleep in school later i guess.
and well, there WERE unforeseen circumstances that happened, as it were.
the very first one that happened was that I WAS SIMPLY UNABLE TO FALL ASLEEP AT 2245 AT NIGHT! !@#$%^&*() so i tossed and turned around in bed until 11plus. what is this man. i'm giving myself extra sleep, i'm finally sleeping earlier than usual AND I END UP BEING UNABLE TO FALL ASLEEP. == yeah that was totally unforeseen i thought i'd be so tired i'd go wham bam asleep in at most 3mins.
TWO. waking up at 3plus then staying alert until my alarm went off at 0350, then being unable to go back to sleep.
which mad person wakes up before the alarm goes off THEN LIE IN BED UNTIL IT DOES? and being unable to go back to sleep despite allowing herself a VERY reasonable 25mins extra sleep? !@#$%^&*() this is extremely unfair.
THREE! i'm hungry.
yeah you got me right. i'm H-U-N-G-R-Y HUNGRY. i totally didn't expect myself to be hungry this early in the morning ==\
oh well i'm going to cook myself campbell's soup later. that's like, my only perk besides being able to shower waking up this early in the morning. wait no, it's actually the ONLY perk since i'm up this early for the sole purpose of shoewring and washing my hair.
FOUR!! i'm not packing my bag cuz i'm too lazy to ==\
i thought i will.
i wanted to.
but as it turned out, i'm down here blogging instead of packing my bag ==
a good thing the only thing to pack is my pe attire HAH! XD
right.
hopefully there won't be a five.
cuz the five will then be i'm having a bad hair day.
i'll so cry.
T.T
i don't know if that'll happen yet though since my hair's not dry yet.
teehee~
eh wait. let that be a six.
cuz my five shall be blogging like nobody's business.
wait no, seven.
cuz my six is.. umm..
yeah that i'm gonna be sitting here on my bed trying to deal with an itchy nose that's gonna go on a marathon soon.
okay actually i did think of the possibility but i was hoping it won't happen hah.
early morning nose allergy luh. can happen at night too. i stopped the medication the physician gave me thinking i'm better but NOOOOOOOOOO it has to come back ==
wait no let that wole hair thing be an eight.
cuz i totally didnt expect myself to come down with a headache last night neither did i expect myself to have a headache now.
shoot.
lousy.
urgh.
right.
hmm.
what.
i'm like..
i've got nothing more to say now?
yeah.
lol.
0507.
god this is hard.
maybe i should go wake my brother up.
but for what he needs his sleep he can wake up at 0530 ==
bah LOUSY.
never mind.
i shall give it till 0515.
and then i'll wake him up if i need accompany.
teehee.
i realise it's pretty bad being my youngest sibling ahhaha!
whee~

4:48 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Tuesday, May 12th, 2009 -- You might think that today will be a great day for completing a project. Unfortunately, you may not realize how difficult it will be to stay on track when you are experiencing so much mental interference. It's tempting to ride the wave of your each and every thought, but it's disappointing to realize again and again that you cannot turn your dreams into reality unless you stick with one and follow it through to conclusion.

10:32 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

okay i came across my horoscope for today again.

let's do a short recap and add on a bit of annotations to it.:

Monday, May 11th, 2009 -- Unconscious urges can increase your desire to do something that you've never done before [YUP! my decision just minutes ago to wake up at 0415 latest tomorrow morning to wash my hair. !@#$%^&*()], but your own common sense demands that you act with self-restraint [and hence my long argument with myself just now. MAN.]. It's challenging to find the correct amount of energy to apply to your fantasies [also another factor that contributed to my long self-argument just now. oay or whatever you call it. the thing i called self-argument. when i was arguing with myself. AH WHATEVER.], yet turning the right ones into reality can be quite rewarding [yeah so hopefully this decision is correct. *PRAYS HARD*]. You should be able to avoid unseen problems [yes, everything i'm afraid might happen was listed out, right? RIGHT? hmm.. yeah now you get why i appear so indecisive most of the time.] as long as you take the time to analyze all your options [hence my arguing with myself.].

10:24 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

let's see..

no this year i haven't had a crush on anybody.

and it really feels darn good ahhaha!

a little weird though. no idea why lol.

i feel damn light. no burden lesser troubles HAPPIER..

SYF finally over, maybe stepping down,so i'm currently only pressurised with alevels i guess.

that's good. been damn long since i was last plagued with only ACADEMIC troubles.

okay actually there're more than academic troubles there are still stuff with a few friends. yeah. like A FEW PEOPLE i shall care enough not to name (: uh huh.a few.. like, less than 5. less than 3. yeah the other few on my hate-list are like, I, CHONG ZHI YU, HEREBY DECLARE THAT I GIVE UP ON YOU. (: yeah. then there's one on my hate-list who uh, ain't even my friend. LOL! yeah. but i hate him. (: AIYA HE'S AHTAN LUH OKAY! lol.

right. but lesser troubles and i'm happier than i used to be. which has gotta be good. whee~

i wanna catch up on my sleep! blaa~ still wondering if i should wash my hair in school tomorrow. cuz i know if i do i can totally forget about stepping out of the toilet the entire hour and half long break we have tomorrow. i dont plan to parade around school with my hair untied in school uniform. growing darn long and it's getting thick lor ==

okay i've just decided to wake up at 4 and wash my hair tomorrow! (:

still a tad apprehensive about the whole waking up at 4am thing though :\

gah.

okay.

0430.

latest.

no later than that.

then..

shower and come out at 0455?

and..

wow.

an hour and a half to dry at max.

not very safe.

but i want my sleep!!

urgh.

T.T

zenmebanzenmebanZENMEBAN!?

T.T

go sleep now, fall asleep at 2245, wake up.. LESS THAN 6HOURS LATER!?

5 hours 45mins.

okay this ain't gonna work.

but..

okay why am i arguing with myself ==

if i shower now, by the time my hair dries it'll be.. 1230 earliest.

so i wake up..

less than 6hours later as well.

what is this.

might as well wake up at 0415 tomorrow morning to shower.

okay good i've come to a decision i shall go sleep before i regret my decision.

GOODNIGHT!

9:59 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

i just felt like putting this down:

i currently have 5 people on my hate-list.

lala~

9:34 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Monday, May 11th, 2009 -- Unconscious urges can increase your desire to do something that you've never done before, but your own common sense demands that you act with self-restraint. It's challenging to find the correct amount of energy to apply to your fantasies, yet turning the right ones into reality can be quite rewarding. You should be able to avoid unseen problems as long as you take the time to analyze all your options.

9:35 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

TAURUS - The Enduring One Charming but aggressive. Can come off as boring, but they are not. Hard workers. Warm-hearted. Strong, has endurance! . Solid beings who are stable and secure in their ways. Not looking for shortcuts. Take pride in their beauty. Patient and reliable. Make great friends and give good advice. Loving and kind. Loves hard - passionate. Express themselves emotionally. Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums. Determined. Indulge themselves often. Very generous.

received this from a friend.

has endurance.. hmm..

me, boring? o.o

hard workers HAHAHA!

prone to ferocious tantrums YUP! ahhaha!

indulge myself often - true. teehee.

aggressive? o.o

1:51 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

right my patience is seriously running out i'm about to tolerate all these bullshit NO MORE.

urgh.

i'm looking forward to the holidays i really really feel like backing out of CABIN camp so that i can go msia visiting my cousins instead of having to sit around facing all these stupid irritating things i'm bothered with now.

serious.

i feel like going out to work so that my mind can't drift and roam about freely SO THAT i can forget some people's existence since they irritate me so much.

yup.

or maybe weekends i can go teaching at the fotang again so that there are at least 10++ kids to brighten my weekends and force out ugly memories and the irritation these few people are giving me.

at least there'll then be something to look forward to.

BOO.

go eat yourself.

1:41 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Sunday, May 10th, 2009 -- Questioning your values isn't a productive activity today, even if a disagreement over money makes you wonder if your priorities need to be rearranged. It feels as if whatever you choose, you're revealing desires that are not as lofty or as altruistic as others. But comparing yourself to anyone else is pointless; everyone is different. Just be true to yourself in all that you do. If you don't have integrity, your motives will seem artificially transparent.

1:13 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Friday, May 8, 2009

okay i'm damn pissed.

near 50 of the songs i added on my song list are gone.

!@#$%^&*()

what is this!?

urgh.

screwed up the interview i think ahhaha.

sucks.

10:17 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Saturday, May 9th, 2009 -- Normally, you're quite capable of managing your time and resources, but you could make an error in judgment today. Your energy may be stretched so it feels like you can't finish everything you started. Unfortunately, you might not notice how overcommitted you are until it's too late to do much about it. Nevertheless, it's still a smart idea to reset your goals as soon as you realize your mistake.

6:23 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Friday, May 8th, 2009 -- Everything seems overly complicated today, making you feel tired before you even start what you need to do. Keep in mind that the Full Moon in your 7th House can place so much stress on relationships that you might withdraw as a defensive tactic. Unfortunately, your detachment can send the wrong message, prompting others to question your motives. Paradoxically, this adds to the complexity, creating a vicious cycle. Instead, try staying present with your feelings now, even if they cause temporary discomfort.

12:10 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

right i was reminding people about tomorrow and i think i'm beginning to turn into a naggy old woman ==

christella's class getting mrs fadzleen after bryan goh leaves. (Y) I WANT LUH T.T okay sorry siaoness (: not used to mdm tong yet i guess. gah.

oh i realise i'm damn clever. i ha a horrible stomachache in school 15mins before lit test ended. then after the pain went away and i got to woodlands i decided to get milk tea cuz it was damn hot and i thought "aiya i can't be so unlucky as to be having diarrhoea surely one cup is fine" so down i went to sweettalk with one part of my brain screaming NONONO DON'T DO THIS IT'S SUICIDAL!! ahhaha. bought my milk tea with my brain shouting you're so gonna regret this and when i went up the escalator i saw someone i nearly totally forgot about who i've never really met in person before anyway. yeah. kinda scary. so got home, finished my bubble tea, AND THE DIARRHOEA CAME. shucks. oh well at least i'm okay now ahhaha (x

right i think my brain's dying. pam said return the blazers next = so i thought she meant tml so i relayed saying tml then it turned out she was trying to say next time == win. urgh. obviously i really need to catch up on my sleep.

11:22 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

okay so i realise quite a few people are blaming themselves for our bronze.

that's NOT good.

right. i've repeated this countless times today but i'm going to say it one more time :\

PEOPLE! we were being judged as a WHOLE orchestra, not individually. yes so maybe you might have played some important parts wrong, it may have affected the entire performance but still, do you really think if the judges really thought we played well it would have made a major difference? not that much luh :\ like i said, as long as we know we gave our best, as long as when we look back we have no regrets, as long as we enjoyed playing our music and bringing it to the audience, it's good enough. a piece of paper doesn't represent our efforts. 10 years down the road nobody's gonna remember what we were awarded for syf. so cheer up alright? at least we've enjoyed practicing together, we had fun, we've done our best. they're what matter most they matter more than the outcome of the syf right? yeah. so CHEER UP! (: let's just practice harder in future then right? much as you think you're very much to be blamed for the bronze that we got, it's not true. there are other people other sections who made mistakes too there were problems that none of us could foresee it's all pretty inevitable. so yeah. that's really all i've got to say i guess. :\ CHEER UP! you people really did a great job today (:

11:43 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

today was the j2s' last day with us.

officially stepping down.

yeah there'll be a mini "investiture" thingy but still.. :\

i really don't know what i'm going to do without them. ):

7:52 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Thursday, May 7th, 2009 -- Life seems good for the moment, even if you have serious issues to handle. You have been making steady progress, yet today something could happen out of the blue that catches you off-guard. It can be quite disconcerting when you truly don't know which way to turn. Fortunately, you can lessen the pressure by accepting that you'll probably change direction a few more times in the days ahead, so it's not necessary to make a final decision right now.

7:39 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

The Hermit card reversed suggests that you may feel insecure. Take extra care that you don't come across as defensive, shut others out or treat those who show concern or interest with hostility [do i? :\], or else you could ignite sentiments such as 'good riddance' or 'they're just jealous.' Lighten up and you might find what you seek, but don't fall victim to someone who may prey on your vulnerability or feelings of isolation or pretend to know what you are going through [HMM..]. You may need to face the truth alone [yeah well i'm used to it already :\].

6:23 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

yeah i kept my emotions in check.

checklist?

- angry with ahtan early in the morning but tried my best to keep my temper at bay CHECKED.

- emotions came thundering across seeing so many people i know at SCH before SYF but fought back tears CHECKED.

see. (:

i really nearly cried hugging mahzhengpin i don't know why ahhaha~

feels so.. i don't know. weird. different. SYF with someone else and not them. :\ blaa~

我自以为是？

你确定自以为是的不是你吗？

你确定你没想假厉害吗？

你确定你没在假厉害吗？

get your facts right before attempting to accuse anyone of anything.

as far as i know, you're the worst i've come across.

fk.

3:06 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

sorry.

that's for 2 people i misunderstood.

10:32 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Wednesday, May 6th, 2009 -- It's not easy for you to tell someone how you feel today, especially if you are annoyed or angry [wowee i can already come up with a few names.]. You may be in a position where you must do one thing even if you want to do something else [yeah i know. syf.]. But this isn't a smart time to go off in a direction of your own choosing ['course not.]. It's wise to stay in touch with your own emotions now, even if it's best to keep them to yourself.

boo.

8:10 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

okok wait a moment there.

i don't like people misinterpreting my intentions for doing stuff.

especially when it's out of pure kindness.

so if you're really so shameless as to think whatever it is i'm suspecting you think..

then boo i think i'll just have to stop being nice?

yeah.

7:52 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Tuesday, May 5th, 2009 -- Managing your day is a cakewalk for you because your greatest strength now is the easy availability of all the determination you need. Nothing is going to pull you off track now, enabling you to finish whatever you start. Don't worry about working too fast; take your time and plod along like an ambling bull. You'll arrive at your destination on your own schedule.

12:15 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Monday, May 4, 2009

oh and no i don't really think i'm an oversensitive person.

10:43 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

kae i wanted to upload this video of xianglan biqin and meiyuan doing something uber funny but i realise i can't find my stupid cable == so i'll upload it another time. boo.

during practice we were bored. so weili was like oi si3 yu2 (dead fish). i was like *annoyed* WHAT? yeah so you know we have garlic and onion in our section. so we came up with the following: eh tang2 cu4 yu2 (sweet and sour fish) damn nice leh! just nice dead fish garlic and onion can make one of that wuahaha! me: eh we have to fry the fish a little. it'll be nicer! weili: yayaya! :D

yeah okay we were sot. (:

but that was the only time i was really happy that day haha.

10:33 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

happiness is just like butterflies; you try your best to chase after them and catch them, but you never seem to be able to succeed, yet when you sit one corner, calm, peaceful and serene, one may just land itself on you. or they may just flock themselves to you.

- shubaotaizhong

quite true.

urgh.

i so need to go my aunt's place (a.k.a. msia) every weekend to get away from stupid problems such as these.

i so need to start teaching at the fotang again - the kids are the ones who really make me happy, who really make me realise life can be simple and happy. who make me realise hey, why make things so difficult for ourselves? just enjoy every moment of life as though you'll die the next second.

10:28 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

if using me to expand your social circle was your only intention all along

well

you can't imagine the disappointment in you i'm feeling right now.

10:17 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

okay i'm super angry today.

i got blatantly daoed by a total of 5 people.

or was it 8?

right can't remember.

basically i'm just some insignificant person am i not.

and then i heard a piece of lousy news.

that totally ruined the entire day.

further.

when i thought it was already at its worst.

(Y)

right i shall address the first thing that upsetted me.

i'll admit, i AM still a child in some ways. one of which is the way i think that once i start playing with you, we're good friends. hence it upsets me when things start going weird and people stop talking to me out of the blue. yeah these people know who i'm talking about. they should. frankly, i've been tolerating it. it's just that one more person totally stopped talking to me i don't know why things feel oddly weird and i decided enough is enough. yeah. i can tell you very frankly i don't feel all that well mixed in with the j1s yet. it's like, sometimes i can talk to you people as a j1 and have you people telling me HI SENIOR and i start wondering whattheheck am i doing trying to mix with the j1s when i'm nothing but a senior to them? serious. so doing all that you're doing aint helping matters at all.

oh yeah much less does it help that i see you somewhat as a younger brother.

two.

when i'm angry, i'm really angry. and everytime i'm angry it's not without a reason.

three.

i really am reluctant about leaving the orchestra. about stepping down. i really really can't decide whether or not to step down. honestly, i've really enjoyed my time in the orchestra i really do love guanyue. the only time the only people i was ever unhappy with were 1) wufei 2) ahtan and 3) julia. yeah i'll just spit it right out in your face.

yeah so basically it wasn't a very good start to the week.

[in a state of limbo.]

9:37 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

oh my mum showed me something funny.

yet embarrassing.

so no i'm not revealing hat it is.

AHHAHAHAHA!

it's funny kae XD

11:35 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Monday, May 4th, 2009 -- You are able to keep a lid on your feelings today, although you may be sorely tempted to spill the beans. Fortunately, the practical earth energy wins out over the do-it-now fiery planets that drive you very close to the edge of your patience. Keep in mind that internalizing this conflict can raise your blood pressure, so find a healthy outlet for your pent-up emotions.

11:24 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

you and your enclosed mind.

*shakes head*

HOPELESS.

11:17 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

there is something wrong with today.

tonight.

really.

2 gross things happened consecutively.

right after i was reminded we have econs homework too.

(Y)

9:38 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Sunday, May 3rd, 2009 -- You may be breathing a sigh of relief today as the Moon enters fellow earth sign Virgo. It's as if a familiar wave of common sense washes away the intensity of the past few days. But don't get too comfortable too fast, for there can still be unexpressed emotional issues for you to handle. Avoiding conflict will only drive the tension deeper, so make an extra effort to keep your feelings out in the open.

12:46 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

bahaha a car just smashed upslope into the brick stairs leading to the lift under construction.

at like, 1239.

when i was about to go to bed.

(Y)

the reason i'm laughing is because nobody's hurt kae. just damn relieved there's nothing bloody (literally) happening like, right downstairs. cuz it can be pretty scary. i'm no sadist (:

yeah so now the top half of the staircase is like, gone. like, byebye~

yeah.

ahhaha.

the driver was drunk luh he wasn't walking steadily can. it's definitely not because of shock cuz it's like, half an hour later he was still walking unsteadily. you'd have thought that might have scared him awake. lol.

oh and his license plate fell off.

my brother was so excited to see his license plate dislocated from the car ==

1:25 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Friday, May 1, 2009

Saturday, May 2nd, 2009 -- Passionate Pluto can plunge your key planet Venus into an emotional turmoil today, yet this can open your heart to love in a very profound way. Problems arise, however, if you try to stick to your agenda. Flexibility is required now and it helps if you acknowledge that you don't have all the answers. Forget about trying to be right; it's more important to be aware of your feelings.

sometimes i read my horoscope and go am i mad or what.

10:46 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

we should all wear the black boots we see cleaners and stallholders at the wet markets wearing for syf.

9:58 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

9:30 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

i can't find the freaking scores for the chinese orchestra version of Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence.

boo.

8:28 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.