Tuesday, March 23, 2010

hi if you don't like any of the content from either of my blogs it's not really any of my business.

you can read.

just don't misunderstand my words in any way.

it's not nice.

really.

if you want to be sure i'm not insulting you, simply ask.

i'll tell you.

asking is not that bad, really.

i rather you get your facts right before shooting my head off like nobody's business.

cos well, it's my head. of course it's not nobody's business. it's my business.

2:33 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Thursday, March 11, 2010

i just started my wp blog like finally.

after like 1++ year later.

i know, like wth, when gp's tomorrow.

haha.

why did i start it then.

well, for the v same reason i opened this blog - this blog is too messy.

but then i don't feel right starting it when my problems aren't solved yet.

i want a new start to everything.

but..

UGH.

but well, if anyone bothers enough, here you go.

6:26 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

i talked to a cousin i dont really like on fb, i talked to many i haven't talked to for a while, i met up w someone i haven't met up w for quite a bit, things are actually finally at least appearing to be turning out fine, and i finally realise, people really do care, that i'm the one thinking too much. sorry. today's a beautiful day :D

12:09 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

what if

just

what if

i held everything back in

would you have been there to catch me when i fall

11:49 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

can we make all this stop.

i hate things like that.

it hurts like crazy, yet i'm helpless.

i can only watch myself try and try again, watch myself fear, watch myself cry, watch you hurt me time and again, watch my headaches stomachaches diarrhea and nausea come repeatedly.

you keep telling me i've changed, you've got a different opinion of me now.

i haven't.

i've just grown scared, not knowing when you're gonna say something that's gonna hurt me again.

you say i don't believe you, you say i shoot you back w your every word, but i don't.

i just keep reminding myself everything you told me, so that i won't expect too much and hurt more in the end.

yet i still end up hurting, maybe even more so than i would have.

your words can be so contradicting at times, but sometimes i wonder if it's because of my misinterpretation, or if it's your expression problems, as you put it.

you say you care so long as it doesnt involve you, so long as you arent affected in any way.

fair enough. i never meant to disrupt your life anyway.

but when you start telling me you dont give a shit anymore..

well

that hurts.

i tried removing myself from everything

doesnt work

all i can is watch myself hurt

thats not exactly becoming detached from everything is it

i keep reading everything over and over again

i thought i'll be able to numb myself that way

i just keep getting diarrhea after diarrhea, or i throw up time and again

i know we're different now

frankly speaking, i dont know why

i keep trying to pull everything back, rein things in

you just keep drifting further and further

the misunderstandings keep coming

i'm tiring, yet i know i can't stop

but i dont know what to do either

give myself time? how?

i can't stop a sec in case everything just collapses.

you said if you can you'll try.

it's not that i don't believe it.

i do, i really do.

i just don't know what to make of it.

i don't doubt. i don't wanna doubt.

doubting takes too much of my energy.

i've got none left for doubting anymore.

just, please, can everything just go back to normal?

can you resume to normal?

i've got zero security left now.

i don't know what to do anymore.

11:29 AM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.

Friday, March 5, 2010

some ming li thing. again.

lol.

kinda explains a few things going now i guess.

講究情面，重視朋友。好慕虛榮、爭面子、任性、在乎外表、易貪求而失去理性、若有人相託時就難以拒絕，顯示出意志薄弱的一面，而受騙。

11:04 PM.
zhiyu;
the notCool, notCalm, notCollected.